New Year's Eve - A time for reflection and for making plans to go forward. Everyone deserves a second chance, so this year, I have a major resolution in the wings that I have been preparing for in the last week or two. This New Year's Eve, my resolution is to be kind to myself. It's as simple and as complex as that. In the past, I have put myself through all kinds of trial in the name of "sacrificing" for the good of others. This year will be different.
By resolving to be good to myself, I am narrowing my focus down to one thing: Me. It is extremely selfish of me to do this, and it's about time! I have given freely of myself and I will be selfish enough to understand that you cannot pour wine from an empty cup. I have to take time to refill the cup. I resolve to put myself first and here are the 12 Steps that I intend to take.
1. No longer will I answer the phone or answer texts when it is inconvenient for me.
I have set aside a time every day when I will respond to those messages and I will stick to it.
My time is very precious and I will only use it to better myself and my goals. No squandering.
2. I will eat well. I am responsible for taking care of this machine and keeping it in top running order.
I will give my body top fuel and I will take my vitamins. Change happens at the cellular level, and
I will eat with the knowledge of how what I put in my body changes what goes on in the cells.
3. I will exercise. If I want the mitochondrion in my cells to have more oxygen, I have to give it
to them. If I want them to go through normal life cycles, I have to give them the right fuel.
Fat burns in a glucose flame, so I will stoke that furnace. I will get stronger and more flexible
as a result.
4. I will stick to my planner. To everything there is a season, and if it isn't in my planner, it isn't going to
be done. I function best under deadlines and schedules, so my planner will be filled with all kinds of
deadlines and schedules.
5. I will schedule recreation time. Since I tend to put this last, I am going to put it higher up on my list.
Recreation may be as simple as playing a game or as complex as going on a vacation.
6. I will get up, dress up and show up. It's important that I take care in my appearance and to stay
current in trends. This went up on my list this year.
7. I will take chances. Chances are experiences that I will regret not taking.
8. I will take time to laugh. Laughter is medicine. 'Nuff said.
9. I will take quiet time to myself. Silence is golden and I will use it as such.
10. I will guard my sleep like a jealous lover. Nothing and no one will steal my sleep from me.
11. I will devote myself to my studies, knowing that every paper, every deadline and every exam brings
me closer to my goal.
12. I will live my life according to how I want to live it, not how others expect me to live it.
I will eliminate whiners, energy vampires and negative people from my life.
Remolding my life is an easy task, but yet a complex one, and not everyone is going to understand when I start to devote more of my time to me. But this is a new year, and it's going to be MY year, so everybody stand aside! There's a storm coming and her name is Hurricane Lynn!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Winding Down My Thank You's
I am up early... again. I intended to sleep in this morning, but mornings are the best part of my day, when no one is awake yet and the quiet of the house helps me to center myself. My morning coffee brings me comfort, and the silence is the most welcome part of my day, allowing me to gather my thoughts. This semester is almost over... finally. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see a semester end. This one has particularly horrid: nursing school.
I think they try to kill you during the first semester. I say that because it's the only one I will go through. A good friend of mine told me something that last day of my pre-lab: "These are the two WORST years of your life." Considering all that I've been through in my 50+ years, I had to reconsider this path. I don't want to spend the next two years in hell, after all, does any one of us even know if we will live another two years? I certainly don't, and the chance of me passing away before my classmates is pretty high. So... I decided to swallow my pride and change directions. What I didn't expect and should have, is that my classmates would begin to ostracize me early on.
I have met some pretty awesome people this semester, and I have met some really rotten ones. The people that surprise me are the ones I didn't think much of in the beginning, but have proven themselves to be worth my time, and the ones that I thought were worth my time turned out to be least worthy. Interesting turn of events. Perhaps they were only putting on a good face because they thought they would have to deal with me during the whole course of their nursing school experience. Maybe. Maybe now they are distancing themselves from me because they want it to be easier on themselves when the semester closes. I have done it at times myself. We all make choices, and they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions, just like I do. It's perfectly whatever. While I have a quiet moment, I want to take time to remember the experience while it is fresh in my mind and say my thank you's now.
Thank you to those in my class who stood by me during my time with you. Elizabeth, Anna, Amanda, Jessica (all of you!), Cherish: I think you are awesome people and will make great nurses. Thank you to those who proved my initial observation of you to be wrong. Carla, I didn't like you in the beginning, but am so glad you proved me wrong. Thank you for being there and for all your encouragement. I think you will be a great nurse. Stephen, I'm still not quite sure what to make of you, but thank you for all your help and for making me laugh when I needed it. To the ladies of my clinical group, I'm sorry you felt you had to distance yourselves from me, but I get it. To the others... thank you to the ones who were nice to me, and thank you to the ones who didn't take the time to get to know me. There were valuable lessons I learned from both groups.
Thank you to my family and inner circle for the support you gave me. As always, you are an invaluable resource of knowledge and revelation for me. You set me back on track when I felt I was faltering. I think the most important thing you taught me is self-preservation. When I am unclear about my path or what is going on around me, I am grateful to have people to light my way. Thank you for helping me to realize that nothing matters right now except that I put my feet on the right path and enjoy the moments for what they are.
There have been many times this semester when I had to stand back and remember that I am the senior of this group and that most of the people in my class will live on after I'm gone. It's sad in a way, but I am glad that I lived long enough to be able to see this clearly. I have had several scares in the past few weeks, and I have to wonder if it's due to the stress or just my aging body. Maybe it's both. Whatever the cause, the cure is in front of me, and I am taking hold of it now while I can. At this time in my life, it's time to soar instead of being tethered.
So on to the next chapter, as soon as finals are over. I will probably not stick around after the last final, but let those who have bonded rejoice while I slip away. It's a fitting end.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I think they try to kill you during the first semester. I say that because it's the only one I will go through. A good friend of mine told me something that last day of my pre-lab: "These are the two WORST years of your life." Considering all that I've been through in my 50+ years, I had to reconsider this path. I don't want to spend the next two years in hell, after all, does any one of us even know if we will live another two years? I certainly don't, and the chance of me passing away before my classmates is pretty high. So... I decided to swallow my pride and change directions. What I didn't expect and should have, is that my classmates would begin to ostracize me early on.
I have met some pretty awesome people this semester, and I have met some really rotten ones. The people that surprise me are the ones I didn't think much of in the beginning, but have proven themselves to be worth my time, and the ones that I thought were worth my time turned out to be least worthy. Interesting turn of events. Perhaps they were only putting on a good face because they thought they would have to deal with me during the whole course of their nursing school experience. Maybe. Maybe now they are distancing themselves from me because they want it to be easier on themselves when the semester closes. I have done it at times myself. We all make choices, and they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions, just like I do. It's perfectly whatever. While I have a quiet moment, I want to take time to remember the experience while it is fresh in my mind and say my thank you's now.
Thank you to those in my class who stood by me during my time with you. Elizabeth, Anna, Amanda, Jessica (all of you!), Cherish: I think you are awesome people and will make great nurses. Thank you to those who proved my initial observation of you to be wrong. Carla, I didn't like you in the beginning, but am so glad you proved me wrong. Thank you for being there and for all your encouragement. I think you will be a great nurse. Stephen, I'm still not quite sure what to make of you, but thank you for all your help and for making me laugh when I needed it. To the ladies of my clinical group, I'm sorry you felt you had to distance yourselves from me, but I get it. To the others... thank you to the ones who were nice to me, and thank you to the ones who didn't take the time to get to know me. There were valuable lessons I learned from both groups.
Thank you to my family and inner circle for the support you gave me. As always, you are an invaluable resource of knowledge and revelation for me. You set me back on track when I felt I was faltering. I think the most important thing you taught me is self-preservation. When I am unclear about my path or what is going on around me, I am grateful to have people to light my way. Thank you for helping me to realize that nothing matters right now except that I put my feet on the right path and enjoy the moments for what they are.
There have been many times this semester when I had to stand back and remember that I am the senior of this group and that most of the people in my class will live on after I'm gone. It's sad in a way, but I am glad that I lived long enough to be able to see this clearly. I have had several scares in the past few weeks, and I have to wonder if it's due to the stress or just my aging body. Maybe it's both. Whatever the cause, the cure is in front of me, and I am taking hold of it now while I can. At this time in my life, it's time to soar instead of being tethered.
So on to the next chapter, as soon as finals are over. I will probably not stick around after the last final, but let those who have bonded rejoice while I slip away. It's a fitting end.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Friday, October 26, 2012
New Directions
Yesterday I wrote about quitting. I have had time to think about it since then, and I have decided that I was absolutely right. I have decided to follow my passion and go to PTA school instead of nursing. Thank goodness I'm getting out now. If I waited until I was further along in the program, I'm afraid I might really hurt someone... like ME!
A year ago, I applied for the PTA program at Southwest. I had a 4.0 GPA, membership and officer of Phi Theta Kappa, Honors Academy, leadership awards, letters of recommendation, becoming a published author and certifications in personal training. I had absolutely NO doubt in my mind that I would be accepted. I was wrong. I was turned down in favor of students with a 2.2 GPA. I was hurt. So were a lot of other people. There was a big hullaballoo about it. Other people made a stink. I didn't say a word. I was just stunned.
I was suddenly left with all of these hopes and dreams that were dashed, and a whole lot of medical pre-req's that I had no idea what to do with. I didn't want to go into nursing. I wanted PTA. Reluctantly, I applied to Loewenberg School of Nursing and was accepted. I thought I could talk myself into liking it. I was wrong again.
It isn't what I want. So after much deliberation, blood, sweat and tears, and after talking it over with my family, I am making a course correction. I am going to finish up some of these classes that I can't seem to get out of, but I will skip the ones I absolutely hate. Practicum. Ugh. I can't stand it. I'm not doing one more care plan and I'm not going to pretend anymore. After finishing up some of the other classes, I have decided to take some classes that I actually have an interest in. Astronomy, Weather and Climate... and then I will be in the PTA program at Concorde.
I am ecstatic at my decision. I didn't know it would feel this way, to have that nursing school weight lifted off of me and have my course straightened. Big thanks to my family for helping me to see it clearly and make an informed decision. I am happier than I have been in the 8 weeks that I have been in nursing school. Just knowing that there is an end in sight is major. I can go about my method of learning and excelling, and then walk away, knowing that I have no regrets.
What a great way to end a day.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
A year ago, I applied for the PTA program at Southwest. I had a 4.0 GPA, membership and officer of Phi Theta Kappa, Honors Academy, leadership awards, letters of recommendation, becoming a published author and certifications in personal training. I had absolutely NO doubt in my mind that I would be accepted. I was wrong. I was turned down in favor of students with a 2.2 GPA. I was hurt. So were a lot of other people. There was a big hullaballoo about it. Other people made a stink. I didn't say a word. I was just stunned.
I was suddenly left with all of these hopes and dreams that were dashed, and a whole lot of medical pre-req's that I had no idea what to do with. I didn't want to go into nursing. I wanted PTA. Reluctantly, I applied to Loewenberg School of Nursing and was accepted. I thought I could talk myself into liking it. I was wrong again.
It isn't what I want. So after much deliberation, blood, sweat and tears, and after talking it over with my family, I am making a course correction. I am going to finish up some of these classes that I can't seem to get out of, but I will skip the ones I absolutely hate. Practicum. Ugh. I can't stand it. I'm not doing one more care plan and I'm not going to pretend anymore. After finishing up some of the other classes, I have decided to take some classes that I actually have an interest in. Astronomy, Weather and Climate... and then I will be in the PTA program at Concorde.
I am ecstatic at my decision. I didn't know it would feel this way, to have that nursing school weight lifted off of me and have my course straightened. Big thanks to my family for helping me to see it clearly and make an informed decision. I am happier than I have been in the 8 weeks that I have been in nursing school. Just knowing that there is an end in sight is major. I can go about my method of learning and excelling, and then walk away, knowing that I have no regrets.
What a great way to end a day.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Melting It Down
I'm not a quitter. I say it over and over again. To whom? To me, I guess. I am more miserable than I have ever been in my life, and that includes the period of time where I was being abused. I ask myself why I am so miserable; the answer is simple. I am in nursing school. This was not my first choice. I never saw myself as a nurse, and I still don't. After getting halfway through the first semester, I realized finally that my first meltdown is well underway.
I'm not a quitter. Is anyone listening? Certainly not. Put on the happy face that so many people have come to see on me. I smile through it all. Today I'm not smiling; I'm on the verge of tears. I don't want this much responsibility. I raised my siblings; I raised my kids. I basically raised myself. My husband and I are going through a tough time because his job was snatched out from under him.
I'm not a quitter. All my life I've done whatever it was that I had to do, told myself whatever lies I had to in order to get through things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And now I'm faced with the possibility that I will, once again, have to tell myself lies in order to survive. I can't. That's usually not in my vocabulary: The word "can't". Today I have on a shirt that says "I can't" on the front. Stop right there. I can't. Why? The back of the shirt says "I have clinicals tomorrow." My heart sinks.
I'm not a quitter. It's like a mantra to help me get through. It's a lie. I know it, and I keep saying it. What makes this so hard? Why is it so hard for me to decide what to do? I have no choices. I have no options. It makes me sick to my stomach. I hate clinicals. This is not for me. It is for other people who really want it, but not for me.
I'm not a quitter. There it is again. I go to class prepared and come out dazed and confused. I do the best I can and it's not enough. I don't have it in me to endure this kind of stress. God bless the ones that do and make it through. I had two sisters who were nurses. I have no idea how they did it. I hope it was what they really wanted. This is not for the faint of heart.
I'm not a quitter. I'm not going to tell that lie ever again. I can quit and be okay with myself. I can finish the semester, knowing it is the last one, and go on to what I really wanted to do in the first place. I can, can't I? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just a quitter.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I'm not a quitter. Is anyone listening? Certainly not. Put on the happy face that so many people have come to see on me. I smile through it all. Today I'm not smiling; I'm on the verge of tears. I don't want this much responsibility. I raised my siblings; I raised my kids. I basically raised myself. My husband and I are going through a tough time because his job was snatched out from under him.
I'm not a quitter. All my life I've done whatever it was that I had to do, told myself whatever lies I had to in order to get through things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And now I'm faced with the possibility that I will, once again, have to tell myself lies in order to survive. I can't. That's usually not in my vocabulary: The word "can't". Today I have on a shirt that says "I can't" on the front. Stop right there. I can't. Why? The back of the shirt says "I have clinicals tomorrow." My heart sinks.
I'm not a quitter. It's like a mantra to help me get through. It's a lie. I know it, and I keep saying it. What makes this so hard? Why is it so hard for me to decide what to do? I have no choices. I have no options. It makes me sick to my stomach. I hate clinicals. This is not for me. It is for other people who really want it, but not for me.
I'm not a quitter. There it is again. I go to class prepared and come out dazed and confused. I do the best I can and it's not enough. I don't have it in me to endure this kind of stress. God bless the ones that do and make it through. I had two sisters who were nurses. I have no idea how they did it. I hope it was what they really wanted. This is not for the faint of heart.
I'm not a quitter. I'm not going to tell that lie ever again. I can quit and be okay with myself. I can finish the semester, knowing it is the last one, and go on to what I really wanted to do in the first place. I can, can't I? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just a quitter.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Monday, August 20, 2012
Brick By Brick
Oh gosh... where to begin? I have started a new weight training program and having to do all the stats kinda puts me in a blue funk. I thought the tapes were bad, but then I saw the calipers. I thought the calipers were bad, and then I saw the pictures.
I look too much like my mother. She died 9 years ago from complications of diabetes. I am seeing her body on me. What to do, what to do... Yes, I am starting to panic. I have so little time left on earth and am unsure if I can do what I have to do.
Oh dear, oh dear... It's such a huge task. I actually started last week, just to sort of warm up. I did well for a first week. My weight went down 4 pounds and my measurements went down quite a bit too. And it was hard. Oh dear, was it hard! When I did the lower body workout, I could barely crawl back in the house, and then I was sore for two days. This week I have to start ramping it up. The workouts will be tougher, and I have to count calories. Oh dear. When was the last time I counted calories? Forever ago.
I guess we start at the beginning because there really is no way to start anywhere else. I started with coffee. Maybe not the best way to start, but I will get a protein shake when I'm done with my morning workout. Count those dang calories! (That's just to remind myself.) Make tuna salad! Another reminder. I bought lots of tuna on sale this week. Plan dinner. My third reminder. I am attempting to cut out all man-made starches. One treat per day, unless I can do without. I'm going to try to do without.
I'm not going to post my "Before" pictures here. Not until I have some progress. Really, I'm embarrassed. I know I've had some bad health problems in the past, but that's no excuse. The truth is, that I stopped caring. It seemed that no matter how much I cared, no one else did. Now I am ready to care again. So I have to do it whether or not anyone else cares.
So I took my measurements this morning. I took my blood pressure. I took the pictures (technically, Steve took them). Now I have to make good on my promise to myself. Don't give up, girl! Yes, you have a long way to go, but remember what Hadrian said about building Rome... "Brick by brick, my good citizens... brick by brick."
I'm going to go lay my first brick now. Wish me luck.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I look too much like my mother. She died 9 years ago from complications of diabetes. I am seeing her body on me. What to do, what to do... Yes, I am starting to panic. I have so little time left on earth and am unsure if I can do what I have to do.
Oh dear, oh dear... It's such a huge task. I actually started last week, just to sort of warm up. I did well for a first week. My weight went down 4 pounds and my measurements went down quite a bit too. And it was hard. Oh dear, was it hard! When I did the lower body workout, I could barely crawl back in the house, and then I was sore for two days. This week I have to start ramping it up. The workouts will be tougher, and I have to count calories. Oh dear. When was the last time I counted calories? Forever ago.
I guess we start at the beginning because there really is no way to start anywhere else. I started with coffee. Maybe not the best way to start, but I will get a protein shake when I'm done with my morning workout. Count those dang calories! (That's just to remind myself.) Make tuna salad! Another reminder. I bought lots of tuna on sale this week. Plan dinner. My third reminder. I am attempting to cut out all man-made starches. One treat per day, unless I can do without. I'm going to try to do without.
I'm not going to post my "Before" pictures here. Not until I have some progress. Really, I'm embarrassed. I know I've had some bad health problems in the past, but that's no excuse. The truth is, that I stopped caring. It seemed that no matter how much I cared, no one else did. Now I am ready to care again. So I have to do it whether or not anyone else cares.
So I took my measurements this morning. I took my blood pressure. I took the pictures (technically, Steve took them). Now I have to make good on my promise to myself. Don't give up, girl! Yes, you have a long way to go, but remember what Hadrian said about building Rome... "Brick by brick, my good citizens... brick by brick."
I'm going to go lay my first brick now. Wish me luck.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Back to the Beginning
After wallowing in a blue funk for a couple of days (read that
WEEKS), I am now back and ready to get back in the swing of things.
That's such a cliche'... in the swing of things. But I guess until
August 27, when my brain begins new stimulation, I will resort to
cliche's when original thoughts don't come. August 27 is when I begin a
new chapter in my life: Nursing School.
Nursing School. The words terrify me. I've heard stories about women (probably much younger than me) who get overwhelmed and burned out the first semester. I've heard about the enormous amounts of studying I will have to do and the life I won't have because of it. I have made all the preparations I can think of and now the only task that remains is to organize my study space so it won't be cluttered.
Good luck with that. My study space is so cramped that I can barely turn around in it. It's not really serving me the way I will need it to, so I guess a little reorganizing is in order. I'll work on that today. My one really big pet peeve is disorganization. I really hate it when I can't find something. I have to be able to put my hands on something the moment I think of it (mostly because I'll forget what I was thinking later... ha ha). I did a little reorganizing a couple of weeks ago, but I still have a little more to do.
My idea of a workspace is one that flows. When I was a secretary (about a hundred years ago), I always made sure my workspace flowed. If I was on a computer (or God forbid, a typewriter), I had to be able to move objects to my left. Being ambidextrous, it's important for me to be able to use my left hand. The present arrangement will not allow that. So I guess that since this is not the optimal setting for me, I have to figure out yet another arrangement.
The one thing that I have already had an "AHA" moment about is the window behind me. The drapes absolutely have to be closed for me to be able to study. I guess blocking out the world helps. Another thing that will help is keeping the door to the study closed. We have recently put in a cat door, so the cats can come and go. I don't mind that. Unnecessary, irritating noises have to be dealt with immediately, such as the tinkling of the water flowing into the aquarium from the filter. The additional quilts and afghans being "stored" in this room have to find another home. They are stacked on top of one of the dog crates, and I can't stand looking at the clutter. My desk has already been cleaned out, but the table behind me has to be emptied as well. Therein lies the problem.
The table has served as an overflow place for everything in this house. I hate that. This is my one little corner of the universe and I want it how I want it, so it will serve me well. With bookshelves that are already overflowing, I'm not sure I know how to find space for everything that's on the table. It will be great workspace once it's emptied. It's just a 6 foot long folding table, and I have it covered with an old piece of grey velvet fabric that was once used to show paintings (when I sold paintings). Of course, one of our cats has decided to puke on it, so that will be washed today, and everything in my work area will be sanitized.
Sounds like I have a tough job ahead of me today. Some of the tougher things have already been dealt with, such as fitting in workout time. I made an executive decision to NOT get a priority parking tag so I can park in the best spaces on campus. That means I will have to walk about a half hour every day to get to class, and a half hour back to my car. That's a perfect piece of time to count as cardio if I push the walk as fast as I can go. I won't have as much to carry as most nursing students (eight books for one class... give me a break!) because I will be getting an iPad and buy electronic versions of the textbooks. I checked with the school, and only one textbook is required in hard copy, so the rest will be on my trusty iPad. So my load won't be as heavy as it could be, and with weather turning cooler (I hope!), walking will be easier for me than in this heat. And yes, I will walk in the rain. I am getting a big umbrella that will help keep the water off me and my bag during those monsoons that inevitably come through Memphis. Winter I can deal with. I have a long coat, hat, scarf and gloves. I wish I had boots, but they would be hard to walk in for a half hour at a time. I'll have to deal with my cross trainers.
The other parts of my workout, strength training and flexibility, have not been scheduled yet. I am usually my best the first thing in the morning, so I am thinking that it might be best to get up early and not give myself the excuse that I'm too tired. Or too something. My back is usually the tightest in the morning, so a little foam rolling, yoga and strength training might be just the thing.
Then there are the menus and shopping lists... oh dear. My family has been very good about helping me to make up menus, and we have kept menus from over a year ago, so it is relatively easy to change them up without having to think about it too much. But the shopping sales at Kroger change every week, and that will be the challenge. We are on an extremely tight budget with three of us in college at the same time. I refuse to put us on a ramen diet though, and will do the best I can to make sure we have fresh fruits and vegetables in the house, along with quality protein and whole grains.
What have I left out? Housework. Ugh. I can tell you right here and now that it won't get done unless someone else wants to step up and do it. Housework has never been high on my list, due to having a mother that would wake me up on a Saturday morning yelling about how it's time to get up and work. How pleasant that was. NOT! It set the stage for me never wanting to clean house. I do it only when it's absolutely necessary. Even then, I get the guys to help because I figure I'm not the only one making the messes, so everyone has to help clean them up. We are not hoarders by any means, but still it IS nice when the floors get mopped and the furniture dusted.
So what am I waiting for? I'm stalling, I know. Gym first. Once I get in the gym, I know I have an hour or hour and a half of torture to look forward to. At least it's time spent that doesn't include the dogs or anything in the house. Okay, okay. I'm going. But maybe just one more cup of coffee...
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Nursing School. The words terrify me. I've heard stories about women (probably much younger than me) who get overwhelmed and burned out the first semester. I've heard about the enormous amounts of studying I will have to do and the life I won't have because of it. I have made all the preparations I can think of and now the only task that remains is to organize my study space so it won't be cluttered.
Good luck with that. My study space is so cramped that I can barely turn around in it. It's not really serving me the way I will need it to, so I guess a little reorganizing is in order. I'll work on that today. My one really big pet peeve is disorganization. I really hate it when I can't find something. I have to be able to put my hands on something the moment I think of it (mostly because I'll forget what I was thinking later... ha ha). I did a little reorganizing a couple of weeks ago, but I still have a little more to do.
My idea of a workspace is one that flows. When I was a secretary (about a hundred years ago), I always made sure my workspace flowed. If I was on a computer (or God forbid, a typewriter), I had to be able to move objects to my left. Being ambidextrous, it's important for me to be able to use my left hand. The present arrangement will not allow that. So I guess that since this is not the optimal setting for me, I have to figure out yet another arrangement.
The one thing that I have already had an "AHA" moment about is the window behind me. The drapes absolutely have to be closed for me to be able to study. I guess blocking out the world helps. Another thing that will help is keeping the door to the study closed. We have recently put in a cat door, so the cats can come and go. I don't mind that. Unnecessary, irritating noises have to be dealt with immediately, such as the tinkling of the water flowing into the aquarium from the filter. The additional quilts and afghans being "stored" in this room have to find another home. They are stacked on top of one of the dog crates, and I can't stand looking at the clutter. My desk has already been cleaned out, but the table behind me has to be emptied as well. Therein lies the problem.
The table has served as an overflow place for everything in this house. I hate that. This is my one little corner of the universe and I want it how I want it, so it will serve me well. With bookshelves that are already overflowing, I'm not sure I know how to find space for everything that's on the table. It will be great workspace once it's emptied. It's just a 6 foot long folding table, and I have it covered with an old piece of grey velvet fabric that was once used to show paintings (when I sold paintings). Of course, one of our cats has decided to puke on it, so that will be washed today, and everything in my work area will be sanitized.
Sounds like I have a tough job ahead of me today. Some of the tougher things have already been dealt with, such as fitting in workout time. I made an executive decision to NOT get a priority parking tag so I can park in the best spaces on campus. That means I will have to walk about a half hour every day to get to class, and a half hour back to my car. That's a perfect piece of time to count as cardio if I push the walk as fast as I can go. I won't have as much to carry as most nursing students (eight books for one class... give me a break!) because I will be getting an iPad and buy electronic versions of the textbooks. I checked with the school, and only one textbook is required in hard copy, so the rest will be on my trusty iPad. So my load won't be as heavy as it could be, and with weather turning cooler (I hope!), walking will be easier for me than in this heat. And yes, I will walk in the rain. I am getting a big umbrella that will help keep the water off me and my bag during those monsoons that inevitably come through Memphis. Winter I can deal with. I have a long coat, hat, scarf and gloves. I wish I had boots, but they would be hard to walk in for a half hour at a time. I'll have to deal with my cross trainers.
The other parts of my workout, strength training and flexibility, have not been scheduled yet. I am usually my best the first thing in the morning, so I am thinking that it might be best to get up early and not give myself the excuse that I'm too tired. Or too something. My back is usually the tightest in the morning, so a little foam rolling, yoga and strength training might be just the thing.
Then there are the menus and shopping lists... oh dear. My family has been very good about helping me to make up menus, and we have kept menus from over a year ago, so it is relatively easy to change them up without having to think about it too much. But the shopping sales at Kroger change every week, and that will be the challenge. We are on an extremely tight budget with three of us in college at the same time. I refuse to put us on a ramen diet though, and will do the best I can to make sure we have fresh fruits and vegetables in the house, along with quality protein and whole grains.
What have I left out? Housework. Ugh. I can tell you right here and now that it won't get done unless someone else wants to step up and do it. Housework has never been high on my list, due to having a mother that would wake me up on a Saturday morning yelling about how it's time to get up and work. How pleasant that was. NOT! It set the stage for me never wanting to clean house. I do it only when it's absolutely necessary. Even then, I get the guys to help because I figure I'm not the only one making the messes, so everyone has to help clean them up. We are not hoarders by any means, but still it IS nice when the floors get mopped and the furniture dusted.
So what am I waiting for? I'm stalling, I know. Gym first. Once I get in the gym, I know I have an hour or hour and a half of torture to look forward to. At least it's time spent that doesn't include the dogs or anything in the house. Okay, okay. I'm going. But maybe just one more cup of coffee...
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Happily Never After
As a rule, I try not to write when I'm depressed. Today is an exception because I just can't seem to shake it, and writing is my way to get rid of it. Usually when I write about what is bothering me, it lends perspective and I can let it go. I hope that is the case this time.
I am tired of. Don't ask what. EVERYTHING! I'm tired of being bored. I'm tired of the only entertainment I have is this damn computer. I'm tired of not being able to go outdoors because it's too damned hot and humid to do anything fun. I'm tired of not being able to breathe in this crap.
I'm tired of waking up in the same damned house for the past 24 years. We were supposed to be out of this house 21 years ago. I'm tired of waking up in Memphis. I'm tired of trying to sleep and then even having to wake up in the morning. I'm just tired of.
I'm tired of having so many animals in the house. I love them all, and wouldn't give one up, but I am tired of all the attention they want all the time. I give what I can, but then I'm tired of it. They don't understand, and I can't expect them to.
I'm tired of trying to drag my butt out in the gym (a scant 10 steps away), only to never see anything change. It's futile. In days past, when I got in the gym, I saw results. I don't see them anymore and I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of this house that I hate falling apart. I'm tired of nothing ever being done about it unless I start an argument. I'm tired of living in this same place, on this same damned corner, in this city that I hate.
I'm tired of my husband going to a job he hates. I'm tired of my sons being such downers that they ruin my usually good mood every day.
I'm tired of trying to make ends meet when there is no visible way to make it happen. I'm tired of the same old crappy food, my clothes that are in shreds and never having any peace.
I'm tired of people telling me what great people my sister and her husband are, when I know the truth. What you see is the face they want you to see, people! They're not showing you who they really are, because most likely, you don't have anything they want to steal! If you want to spend time with them, make sure you check to see if you still have your wallet.
I'm tired of brown grass. I've tried to do something about it, but it's futile. We have brown grass every stinking summer in this city that I hate. I hate that I don't open the curtains anymore because I don't want to see what's out there.
I'm tired of never having any options. I'm tired of having to go to school for something that I don't even think I'll be good at, simply because I don't have any choice. I'm tired of never being able to get away from this crap.
I'm tired of waiting for life to get better. I don't do "tomorrow" well. Today is all we have and I don't like what I see.
So what's the answer? I'm tired of being awake and I'm going back to bed.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I am tired of. Don't ask what. EVERYTHING! I'm tired of being bored. I'm tired of the only entertainment I have is this damn computer. I'm tired of not being able to go outdoors because it's too damned hot and humid to do anything fun. I'm tired of not being able to breathe in this crap.
I'm tired of waking up in the same damned house for the past 24 years. We were supposed to be out of this house 21 years ago. I'm tired of waking up in Memphis. I'm tired of trying to sleep and then even having to wake up in the morning. I'm just tired of.
I'm tired of having so many animals in the house. I love them all, and wouldn't give one up, but I am tired of all the attention they want all the time. I give what I can, but then I'm tired of it. They don't understand, and I can't expect them to.
I'm tired of trying to drag my butt out in the gym (a scant 10 steps away), only to never see anything change. It's futile. In days past, when I got in the gym, I saw results. I don't see them anymore and I'm tired of trying.
I'm tired of this house that I hate falling apart. I'm tired of nothing ever being done about it unless I start an argument. I'm tired of living in this same place, on this same damned corner, in this city that I hate.
I'm tired of my husband going to a job he hates. I'm tired of my sons being such downers that they ruin my usually good mood every day.
I'm tired of trying to make ends meet when there is no visible way to make it happen. I'm tired of the same old crappy food, my clothes that are in shreds and never having any peace.
I'm tired of people telling me what great people my sister and her husband are, when I know the truth. What you see is the face they want you to see, people! They're not showing you who they really are, because most likely, you don't have anything they want to steal! If you want to spend time with them, make sure you check to see if you still have your wallet.
I'm tired of brown grass. I've tried to do something about it, but it's futile. We have brown grass every stinking summer in this city that I hate. I hate that I don't open the curtains anymore because I don't want to see what's out there.
I'm tired of never having any options. I'm tired of having to go to school for something that I don't even think I'll be good at, simply because I don't have any choice. I'm tired of never being able to get away from this crap.
I'm tired of waiting for life to get better. I don't do "tomorrow" well. Today is all we have and I don't like what I see.
So what's the answer? I'm tired of being awake and I'm going back to bed.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Monday, August 6, 2012
Sharing Me In The Face
Most people who follow my blog know that I write to get the poison out. Please keep that in mind when reading this selection.
A typical Friday schedule for me includes making up a grocery list from the items on sale, conjuring a menu for the week, paying the bills and doing the grocery shopping. It was unexpected then, when the story of my past came up and slapped me in the face in the form of the cashier at Kroger. Poor girl. She is 18 years old. I don't know how we got on the subject, but she shared with me how when she turned 18, her parents told her to get out of their house. She had no where to go, no money and no job. That's when it came flooding back to me.
The date was November 1, 1973, one month to the day after .my grandfather died.
I had been abused by my family all my life. At 18, I had a job, a few articles of clothing, a stereo and an old beater car that my parents had "given" me. I had a boyfriend, who turned out to be my first husband. He didn't have a car, so most of our "dates" were at his parents' house, with them in attendance. We worked at the same place, so it wasn't a big deal to me where we spent time together. It was a nice innocent relationship until I came home from his house one night to my mother being in one of her common snits. Those of you who knew my mother know that she was prone to flying off the handle and the handle was usually directed at my head. So it was, that night, as she started in on me about how I wasn't going to be going over there anymore, but he was going to have to come over to "our" house. Our house. I almost choke on the words. It was never my house until it came time to clean it. My word back to my mother was simply "okay" and I started up the stairs to my bedroom.
By the time I had put my purse down and taken my coat off, she was screaming at me wasn't I going to go pick up my brother from work. With my back to her, all I said was "yeah, I guess I am." The tirade that followed was not to be believed. Let the screaming commence. All I wanted was a little sleep, and all I ever got was abused. She screamed at me for everything since the day I was born to that day. She told me that if I didn't like it, I could pack my clothes and leave. I had heard that same phrase from the time I was a young child, and when I was young, I made myself a promise that the first time I heard that phrase after I reached an age where they couldn't bring me back, I would go. So up the stairs I went, to get my coat and purse. While I was mechanically going through the motions of putting on my coat, I heard her scream "get her keys." I walked down the stairs, turned left, waved, said "bye" and left, never to return. I got in my car and drove over to my boyfriend's house. I didn't know where else to go. I really had no where. I had nothing but the clothes on my back, and I knew I was going to have to go back at some point and pick up my clothes. But I would never spend another night under my parents' roof.
The next day, after my mother left for work, I went to pick up my clothes. She had written me a note and left it on the table. I don't remember much of what she had written except that the gist of it was to have me come home and we'd "talk" about what happened. I had already heard all the "talking" I ever wanted to hear from them. "Talking" in their house = manipulation. I knew I wasn't wanted there. It was all a smokescreen. I turned the piece of paper over, and wrote that I wasn't coming back and that it was time for me to leave. I know I wrote more than that, but I don't remember what else I wrote. I know that I was paying board, taking care of everything in the house and working full time, all the while being abused by my father. I'd had enough. I'd sleep under a bridge if I had to, but I would never spend another night in their house. I gathered up my clothes and my stereo, put them in "my" car and went back to work.
I stayed at my boyfriend's parents' house for the next week, with their permission. They were away in Wisconsin at the time, but I wanted to be sure I had their permission before staying there. They were so good to me. They were very giving and understood that I had no place to go. I left my clothes in the car because I was determined to not take too much advantage of their hospitality, and find an apartment as soon as possible.
Apparently, it wasn't soon enough. A few days later, I got a call at work from my father, telling me that they had taken my car while I was at work, "because we pay the insurance." What utter bullshit. They wanted to make me suffer. Now I had no clothes, no way to go anywhere, and no place to stay. I asked my boyfriend (now fiance') to get his brother's truck and take me to get my clothes (again). He did, and when I arrived at my parents' house, my former family piled out onto the lawn and came at me. While my fiance' was taking my clothes, I turned to my family and said "If the car means so much to you, KEEP IT!" I threw the keys at them. We left, but that wasn't the end of it.
The place that I worked (Bee Chemical) was an account that my father serviced for NCR. He would find any excuse to come there and make trouble for me. It became apparent that I was going to have to leave Bee if I wanted any peace. But I was also going to have to do something significant to make my family leave me alone. So I married my fiance' on a Friday night in December, with only his parents and two witnesses in attendance. I wore a green and white plaid dress, and had no flowers, no bridesmaids and no reception. The Wahls (my in-laws) were wonderful to me. They took us out to dinner after the chapel wedding and treated me like a daughter from Day One. Betty, my mother-in-law, said I could call her MOM, which could mean My Other Mother, and call Bud DAD for Drunk And Disorderly. I loved them both so very much for taking me in and loving me so unconditionally, especially when my own parents were so abusive. I had never known people like the Wahls before, and not many since. I miss them.
So when this poor cashier told me of her plight, it was all I could do NOT to wrap my arms around her and tell her it would be all right. After all, she didn't know me, and did I really know it would be all right? The truth was, I didn't. Life is a series of traumatic events. It's been said that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. At this rate, I ought to be able to benchpress a Buick.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
A typical Friday schedule for me includes making up a grocery list from the items on sale, conjuring a menu for the week, paying the bills and doing the grocery shopping. It was unexpected then, when the story of my past came up and slapped me in the face in the form of the cashier at Kroger. Poor girl. She is 18 years old. I don't know how we got on the subject, but she shared with me how when she turned 18, her parents told her to get out of their house. She had no where to go, no money and no job. That's when it came flooding back to me.
The date was November 1, 1973, one month to the day after .my grandfather died.
I had been abused by my family all my life. At 18, I had a job, a few articles of clothing, a stereo and an old beater car that my parents had "given" me. I had a boyfriend, who turned out to be my first husband. He didn't have a car, so most of our "dates" were at his parents' house, with them in attendance. We worked at the same place, so it wasn't a big deal to me where we spent time together. It was a nice innocent relationship until I came home from his house one night to my mother being in one of her common snits. Those of you who knew my mother know that she was prone to flying off the handle and the handle was usually directed at my head. So it was, that night, as she started in on me about how I wasn't going to be going over there anymore, but he was going to have to come over to "our" house. Our house. I almost choke on the words. It was never my house until it came time to clean it. My word back to my mother was simply "okay" and I started up the stairs to my bedroom.
By the time I had put my purse down and taken my coat off, she was screaming at me wasn't I going to go pick up my brother from work. With my back to her, all I said was "yeah, I guess I am." The tirade that followed was not to be believed. Let the screaming commence. All I wanted was a little sleep, and all I ever got was abused. She screamed at me for everything since the day I was born to that day. She told me that if I didn't like it, I could pack my clothes and leave. I had heard that same phrase from the time I was a young child, and when I was young, I made myself a promise that the first time I heard that phrase after I reached an age where they couldn't bring me back, I would go. So up the stairs I went, to get my coat and purse. While I was mechanically going through the motions of putting on my coat, I heard her scream "get her keys." I walked down the stairs, turned left, waved, said "bye" and left, never to return. I got in my car and drove over to my boyfriend's house. I didn't know where else to go. I really had no where. I had nothing but the clothes on my back, and I knew I was going to have to go back at some point and pick up my clothes. But I would never spend another night under my parents' roof.
The next day, after my mother left for work, I went to pick up my clothes. She had written me a note and left it on the table. I don't remember much of what she had written except that the gist of it was to have me come home and we'd "talk" about what happened. I had already heard all the "talking" I ever wanted to hear from them. "Talking" in their house = manipulation. I knew I wasn't wanted there. It was all a smokescreen. I turned the piece of paper over, and wrote that I wasn't coming back and that it was time for me to leave. I know I wrote more than that, but I don't remember what else I wrote. I know that I was paying board, taking care of everything in the house and working full time, all the while being abused by my father. I'd had enough. I'd sleep under a bridge if I had to, but I would never spend another night in their house. I gathered up my clothes and my stereo, put them in "my" car and went back to work.
I stayed at my boyfriend's parents' house for the next week, with their permission. They were away in Wisconsin at the time, but I wanted to be sure I had their permission before staying there. They were so good to me. They were very giving and understood that I had no place to go. I left my clothes in the car because I was determined to not take too much advantage of their hospitality, and find an apartment as soon as possible.
Apparently, it wasn't soon enough. A few days later, I got a call at work from my father, telling me that they had taken my car while I was at work, "because we pay the insurance." What utter bullshit. They wanted to make me suffer. Now I had no clothes, no way to go anywhere, and no place to stay. I asked my boyfriend (now fiance') to get his brother's truck and take me to get my clothes (again). He did, and when I arrived at my parents' house, my former family piled out onto the lawn and came at me. While my fiance' was taking my clothes, I turned to my family and said "If the car means so much to you, KEEP IT!" I threw the keys at them. We left, but that wasn't the end of it.
The place that I worked (Bee Chemical) was an account that my father serviced for NCR. He would find any excuse to come there and make trouble for me. It became apparent that I was going to have to leave Bee if I wanted any peace. But I was also going to have to do something significant to make my family leave me alone. So I married my fiance' on a Friday night in December, with only his parents and two witnesses in attendance. I wore a green and white plaid dress, and had no flowers, no bridesmaids and no reception. The Wahls (my in-laws) were wonderful to me. They took us out to dinner after the chapel wedding and treated me like a daughter from Day One. Betty, my mother-in-law, said I could call her MOM, which could mean My Other Mother, and call Bud DAD for Drunk And Disorderly. I loved them both so very much for taking me in and loving me so unconditionally, especially when my own parents were so abusive. I had never known people like the Wahls before, and not many since. I miss them.
So when this poor cashier told me of her plight, it was all I could do NOT to wrap my arms around her and tell her it would be all right. After all, she didn't know me, and did I really know it would be all right? The truth was, I didn't. Life is a series of traumatic events. It's been said that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. At this rate, I ought to be able to benchpress a Buick.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Thursday, July 26, 2012
The Rules
It came to my attention recently that there are some unwritten rules to marriage that should be common knowledge, but are not. When you embark on the journey called marriage, there are certain expectations that we all have. However, it is entirely likely that the person you married may not be the same person years later. In fact, you can count on it. People change. Interests change. Lifestyles change. The people who grow and change together are really lucky. The rest of us are not as lucky. We have to go through conflict after conflict, with no seeming end in sight. Egos get in the way, health suffers, and things that you never thought would happen, do. The question here is does a point of no return in a marriage exist, or is it just an endless series of b.s. that becomes clear on some level? Just how supportive do you have to be when your significant other is self-absorbed and turns to someone other than his partner for guidance? Shouldn't there be a rule of some kind about that? Since there are no written rules to guide us, I thought I would put a few down in case someone other than me needs a lift. So here are what I think should be the rules for marriage.
1. Remember that the person you married is not the same person 30 years later. We all get older and having the same expectations at 50 that you had at 20 is just unrealistic and patently unfair. The world has changed around you, so change with it or be left behind. Sorry if that's a bit blunt, but it is what it is.
2. If it doesn't fit the marriage, get rid of it. That goes for all outside relationships. The marriage should reign higher than any other relationship with the possible exception of the parent-child relationship. Children require a different kind of attention, but once their needs are attended to, the marriage comes next above any other.
3. Be kind to your mate. As your children are growing up, you are growing older, and your mate is growing older as well. It's a whole series of frustrations that you didn't necessarily expect or want. Health begins to decline and I guarantee that your spouse is not going to want to hang from chandeliers in her golden years, so have a heart that includes kindness and realism.
4. Pull your own weight. No one deserves to have to shoulder the load for everyone else. It's okay to say no to someone else's baggage.
5. Listen to your mate without your ego present. That means listening with an open mind and open heart. It's never easy to tell someone you care about that they are making a mistake and it will cost them dearly later on. So put your ego on hold, or you may find one day that your ego is the only thing you have left and it will not have been worth the struggle.
6. Pick your battles carefully. I can't say this enough. Sometimes the little things add up until they spontaneously combust, but let them go when you can. Save the fireworks for the big things.
7. Learn to have hope. Hope is supreme, especially when the hard times come, as they inevitably do. When you constantly knock someone's hope to the ground, you have killed a part of their spirit. Hope is a mainstay and MUST be nurtured. The spirit shrinks away with every chink you put in their hope, so put a big white light around hope and never let it fade away.
8. Learn when to walk away. There are no do-overs. There are some things that just can't be fixed. Let them go.
Sounds fairly easy, doesn't it? I lied. It's not easy. In fact, it's damn hard. But if your years together mean anything to you and if you want your life to make sense, consider the fact that not only is your spouse not perfect, but neither are you. Maybe we all need a reminder of that now and then. Just remember that you are partners and your partner's life matters to her as much as your own does to you. And if all else fails, re-read the rules until you can recite them under anesthesia.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
1. Remember that the person you married is not the same person 30 years later. We all get older and having the same expectations at 50 that you had at 20 is just unrealistic and patently unfair. The world has changed around you, so change with it or be left behind. Sorry if that's a bit blunt, but it is what it is.
2. If it doesn't fit the marriage, get rid of it. That goes for all outside relationships. The marriage should reign higher than any other relationship with the possible exception of the parent-child relationship. Children require a different kind of attention, but once their needs are attended to, the marriage comes next above any other.
3. Be kind to your mate. As your children are growing up, you are growing older, and your mate is growing older as well. It's a whole series of frustrations that you didn't necessarily expect or want. Health begins to decline and I guarantee that your spouse is not going to want to hang from chandeliers in her golden years, so have a heart that includes kindness and realism.
4. Pull your own weight. No one deserves to have to shoulder the load for everyone else. It's okay to say no to someone else's baggage.
5. Listen to your mate without your ego present. That means listening with an open mind and open heart. It's never easy to tell someone you care about that they are making a mistake and it will cost them dearly later on. So put your ego on hold, or you may find one day that your ego is the only thing you have left and it will not have been worth the struggle.
6. Pick your battles carefully. I can't say this enough. Sometimes the little things add up until they spontaneously combust, but let them go when you can. Save the fireworks for the big things.
7. Learn to have hope. Hope is supreme, especially when the hard times come, as they inevitably do. When you constantly knock someone's hope to the ground, you have killed a part of their spirit. Hope is a mainstay and MUST be nurtured. The spirit shrinks away with every chink you put in their hope, so put a big white light around hope and never let it fade away.
8. Learn when to walk away. There are no do-overs. There are some things that just can't be fixed. Let them go.
Sounds fairly easy, doesn't it? I lied. It's not easy. In fact, it's damn hard. But if your years together mean anything to you and if you want your life to make sense, consider the fact that not only is your spouse not perfect, but neither are you. Maybe we all need a reminder of that now and then. Just remember that you are partners and your partner's life matters to her as much as your own does to you. And if all else fails, re-read the rules until you can recite them under anesthesia.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
The Things We've Seen
I was watching a local news program this evening, when I heard a story about the very first satellite, that was put into orbit 50 years ago today. I, incorrectly, guessed that it was Sputnik. It was not. It was Telstar, which televised a press conference that included President John F. Kennedy, and was viewed in the (then) Soviet Union. I decided to do a little research on everything that has happened since the day I was born.
Dwight D. Eisenhower was president in the year I was born, 1955. The AFL and CIO unions merged. UHF television was developed, and Albert Einstein died. Sugar Ray Robinson won the world boxing championship, and Disneyland opened in Anaheim, California. Marty, The Seven Year Itch, and The Rose Tattoo topped the box office, while Rock Around the Clock topped the charts along with The Yellow Rose of Texas and Love Is a Many Splendored Thing.
In the years that followed, polio was eradicated by a vaccine invented by Dr. Albert Sabin, the first transatlantic telephone cable was launched and Elvis Presley was King. Grace Kelly became royalty, and the interstate highway system was authorized, thus spurring expansion into the suburbs for the first time. In 1957, the Soviet Union launched Sputnik (HAH! I was right!) and the Dodgers moved to Los Angeles. In 1958, national crazes included the "Cha Cha", Barbie dolls and hula hoops.
In 1959, Alaska and Hawaii became states, the St. Lawrence Seaway was completed, and Playboy magazine debuted with Marilyn Monroe as the first centerfold. Wham-O introduced the Frisbee and New York City considered lobbying for statehood. In 1960, John F. Kennedy was elected President, black students organized a sit-in at lunch cafeteria in North Carolina and Clark Gable died.
In 1961, President Kennedy established the Peace Corps, the Berlin Wall was constructed and the Dick Van Dyke Show debuted on television. In 1962, missile bases were discovered in Cuba, John Glenn becomes the first American to achieve orbit and Marilyn Monroe died.
1963 ushered in a very turbulent time when two world leaders died. John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, and Pope John XXIII died in Rome. Civil war protests continue and Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech, riveting the nation. The artificial heart was first used in surgery, and the first successful liver transplant was performed. Audio cassettes were first introduced, and songs like Go Away Little Girl, It's My Party and Blue Velvet topped the charts.
In 1964, we saw the Beatles debut on the Ed Sullivan Show, as did Gilligan's Island and three civil rights workers were murdered in Mississippi during "Freedom Summer". The average cost of a house in 1965 was $13,600 and the average income was $6,450. Gasoline cost 31 cents per gallon and bread was 21 cents per loaf.
Succeeding years saw the first successful moon walk, advances in science and medicine, and the birth of the computer and internet. We have seen runaway inflation, inability to control the government to the point of the government being unable to control itself, and trends in music that went from the energetic to the unthinkable. We have seen that America is no longer the land of dreams, where immigrants come to begin a new life free of tyranny. We have seen our civil liberties pushed to the edge and we are starting to see some start to push back. How long will it be before this country implodes with gasoline upwards of $3.50 per gallon and price gouging? When did the "freedom" become lost in the Land of the Free? We were really great once. I look at this country and see that it is no longer the land that my great-grandparents fought so hard to come to. It is now a place to run away from. My family may be next. When a family can't make it on a very fixed income and all goods and services keep going up, what's a family to do? I say we go north to a place where we can once again raise our own food on our own land, hunt and fish, and have our own land to do it on. Where's the "free" in Freedom now?
I love my country. But I am willing to leave it to find something better. After all, isn't that what my great-grandparents did? Isn't a better life what we all want? I, for one, am pondering.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Dwight D. Eisenhower was president in the year I was born, 1955. The AFL and CIO unions merged. UHF television was developed, and Albert Einstein died. Sugar Ray Robinson won the world boxing championship, and Disneyland opened in Anaheim, California. Marty, The Seven Year Itch, and The Rose Tattoo topped the box office, while Rock Around the Clock topped the charts along with The Yellow Rose of Texas and Love Is a Many Splendored Thing.
In the years that followed, polio was eradicated by a vaccine invented by Dr. Albert Sabin, the first transatlantic telephone cable was launched and Elvis Presley was King. Grace Kelly became royalty, and the interstate highway system was authorized, thus spurring expansion into the suburbs for the first time. In 1957, the Soviet Union launched Sputnik (HAH! I was right!) and the Dodgers moved to Los Angeles. In 1958, national crazes included the "Cha Cha", Barbie dolls and hula hoops.
In 1959, Alaska and Hawaii became states, the St. Lawrence Seaway was completed, and Playboy magazine debuted with Marilyn Monroe as the first centerfold. Wham-O introduced the Frisbee and New York City considered lobbying for statehood. In 1960, John F. Kennedy was elected President, black students organized a sit-in at lunch cafeteria in North Carolina and Clark Gable died.
In 1961, President Kennedy established the Peace Corps, the Berlin Wall was constructed and the Dick Van Dyke Show debuted on television. In 1962, missile bases were discovered in Cuba, John Glenn becomes the first American to achieve orbit and Marilyn Monroe died.
1963 ushered in a very turbulent time when two world leaders died. John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, and Pope John XXIII died in Rome. Civil war protests continue and Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech, riveting the nation. The artificial heart was first used in surgery, and the first successful liver transplant was performed. Audio cassettes were first introduced, and songs like Go Away Little Girl, It's My Party and Blue Velvet topped the charts.
In 1964, we saw the Beatles debut on the Ed Sullivan Show, as did Gilligan's Island and three civil rights workers were murdered in Mississippi during "Freedom Summer". The average cost of a house in 1965 was $13,600 and the average income was $6,450. Gasoline cost 31 cents per gallon and bread was 21 cents per loaf.
Succeeding years saw the first successful moon walk, advances in science and medicine, and the birth of the computer and internet. We have seen runaway inflation, inability to control the government to the point of the government being unable to control itself, and trends in music that went from the energetic to the unthinkable. We have seen that America is no longer the land of dreams, where immigrants come to begin a new life free of tyranny. We have seen our civil liberties pushed to the edge and we are starting to see some start to push back. How long will it be before this country implodes with gasoline upwards of $3.50 per gallon and price gouging? When did the "freedom" become lost in the Land of the Free? We were really great once. I look at this country and see that it is no longer the land that my great-grandparents fought so hard to come to. It is now a place to run away from. My family may be next. When a family can't make it on a very fixed income and all goods and services keep going up, what's a family to do? I say we go north to a place where we can once again raise our own food on our own land, hunt and fish, and have our own land to do it on. Where's the "free" in Freedom now?
I love my country. But I am willing to leave it to find something better. After all, isn't that what my great-grandparents did? Isn't a better life what we all want? I, for one, am pondering.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
The Things We Aren't... Anymore
Yesterday, I was blessed to be contacted by an old friend from childhood. This friend was not someone I knew very well, but she knew me well enough to remind me of our childhoods, with both of our fathers working for NCR (National Cash Register) and our respective families going to company picnics and other gatherings. It made me think of all we have lost as a country and how desperately we need to get some of those things back.
For example, our company held picnics at a local forest preserve, not at a resort or at someone's house. They were unpretentious, as everyone was in the same circumstances and understood that this was a privilege, not an entitlement. We looked forward to those picnics, with unlimited ice cream, hot dogs and cracker jacks, and the games that inevitably followed for both adults and children. Children, of course, won prizes, and I think the adults did too, if memory serves. Adults did things like sack races, egg toss, water balloon toss and horseshoes. We all brought lawn chairs and settled in for a long day of fun. My father's boss, Gene Chalet, would take it upon himself to clean the outhouses the day before the picnic. He said it wasn't beneath him to make sure the outhouses were clean for his employees, and I'm sure he wanted to show that. He always led by example, and I never heard my father or anyone else say a cross word about him. We knew his wife and family, and they knew us.
My grandparents' companies also treated them well. My grandfather spent his years working for U.S. Steel, and my grandmother worked at American Specialties. Those companies not only held picnics and Christmas parties, but made baseball teams and bowling leagues a part of their employees' existence. It was a way of giving people a life in return for all the employees did for their labor. They understood the sacrifice that employees make when they spend their lifetime dedicated to perhaps the only job they were qualified to do. When my grandfather retired from U.S. Steel, he was given a retirement party, and an award with his 40th year of service. How different that is from today's world.
Today, I do not see employers appreciating employees as in the past. I see them being brow-beaten and driven to exhaustion with no end in sight. I see pay cuts and health benefits taken away, which was not unheard of in my grandparents' day, but was certainly rare, and pay cuts were done as a reflection of performance. Now it is done as a matter of fact. I see our elders being squeezed out of jobs they have held for a lifetime in favor of new graduates who would work for a lower wage or just to increase profits. Because they possessed old world values, they never even considered a different job because it would be deemed disloyal. As a result of employers' greed and disregard for the lives of their employees, employees are now reduced to chattel, driven by the verbal whip, and made to feel as if they and their efforts don't matter. No one should ever be made to feel that way. It is an insult to humanity to drive employees to exhaustion while flaunting their personal wealth at their employees' expense.
So what to do about it? If I had a company, I would most certainly be the exception rather than the rule. Yes, profits are important, but so are people. They are the very legs you stand upon and must be rewarded, not abused. I spent eight years as a department head at the local opera company, and the women who worked for me were well-rewarded. I took on the most difficult performers, i.e., the ones with the biggest egos and kept that stress away from my team. After each closing night, I gave my team a thank you party at a local pub, where all the food and beer were on my dime. There was even a time when I refused a pay increase and asked that the increase be split among "my girls". When I left the opera company, the ladies only stayed around for one season. Having caught up with one of them later on, I asked the reason they didn't stay on and was told, "It wasn't fun anymore without you there." What a wonderful compliment. I guess I did it right.
There's a lesson here for you, corporate America. You complain that your employees are not loyal to you and yet you give them no reason to be. You take from them without giving in return. You say that having a job should be its own reward, and in a way, you are right. However, if that job does not benefit the employee in his spirit, he will move on to one that does. Let's see you hold onto employees for an entire lifetime. Henry Ford understood what was required when he gave his employees a 40-hour work week instead of working them to death. He knew what it was to come from nothing and make something of his life, and he treated his people well. In return, his employees loved him for it and gave them their trust. Let's see you hold to that standard. I will bet that most of you turn a blind eye to the past, and that is your prerogative. However, remember the old adage that if we do not learn from history, we are doomed to repeat it. We are repeating it now. Are you learning?
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Thursday, June 14, 2012
No Approval Required...?
The time has come to clear the air on what is and is not acceptable for animal rescues from the South to the Northeast, particularly the New England area. As my readers know, I rescued a pregnant dog from the Tipton County Animal Shelter last September. Five days later, she gave birth to seven wonderful puppies. Through the efforts of a former acquaintance of mine, I was put in contact with someone who would place the dogs in homes in New England. What I did not know, however, is that this person and the entities that she is associated with, are NOT approved by any states in the New England area. Let me explain.
The puppies were placed into the New England area without the mandatory quarantine periods as required by each state in their own way. Each state has their own regulations, and their own list of approved rescues. There are many reasons for their regulations, one of which is to prevent the spread of unwanted disease, such as parvo. The woman I was dealing with has had parvo in her house in the last month, as evidenced by her bewailing posts on her Facebook page. In the State of Massachusetts alone, there are over 300 complaints against this woman's partners, with a total of 30 of 31 dogs with parvo who died after being transported. One of my puppies contracted parvo on the trip north and, fortunately through the monumental efforts of his family and vet, survived to be a happy, healthy and most beloved family member. None of my dogs have had parvo, so the disease was most definitely contracted on the trip, as he showed signs of it within 3 days of his arrival. Viruses can live up to 3 weeks on surfaces, and although I was assured that the crates are bleached after each trip, if that were true, there would be telltale signs of bleach left behind. There were none.
Now, on to the states' individual regulations.
Maine - http://www.maine.gov/agriculture/ahi/dog-cat-import.html
New Hampshire - http://www.animallaw.info/statutes/stusnhst466_1_437A_9.htm#s437_10
Vermont - http://www.vermontagriculture.com/fscp/animalHealth/regulations.html
Massachusetts - http://www.animallaw.info/statutes/stusmast136A_175.htm#s138 See Section 138A. http://www.mass.gov/agr/animalhealth/ApprovedEntities.htm
Rhode Island - http://www.dem.ri.gov/pubs/regs/#Agriculture See Section 8.02 in EMERGENCY Rules and Regulations Governing the Importation of Animals (4/18/12)
Connecticut - http://www.ct.gov/doag/cwp/view.asp?a=3767&q=487148
Be forewarned, animal lovers. There are unscrupulous people who are operating as rescues, even though they are not legitimized by the USDA, and are not "non-profits" as they would have you believe. Non-profits can be verified at http://www.irs.gov. They will say anything to get you to believe them. These people are not in it for the animals, but are in it for profit, and will band together, lying to get what they want. My advice is to check the approved rescues in each state before you agree to operate with any of them.
In the Memphis area, there is only one rescue that has a legitimate tie to New England, and that is Tipton Treasures in Millington. Tipton Treasures is associated with PAWS New England and is on the list of approved rescues for the State of Massachusetts. There are also unsavory transport companies (truck drivers) who will lie to save their own hide. If you are interested in having an animal transported, your safest bet is to come and pick the animal up yourself. The time spent getting to know your new family member is priceless.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I Did It!
A picture is worth a thousand words, so here are a few from a very special event that we attended last Saturday.
Yes, that's right! I graduated from Southwest Tennessee Community College after two years of really hard work. The ceremony was held at the Landers Center in DeSoto County, Mississippi on May 5, 2012 at 10:30am. I was very blessed to have my long-time best friend, Alice Smalley from my Chicago days, fly down to help us celebrate. It's wonderful to have people who believe in you and love you enough to want to celebrate with you. I love you, Alice!
First, a few words about the regalia that I was honored to wear. I graduated with a 4.0 GPA, which automatically gave me Summa Cum Laude and qualified me for membership in Phi Theta Kappa. The gold stole, honors cords and gold tassel are symbols of PTK and honors. I was also the Most Enhanced Member of Phi Theta Kappa, and so was able to wear my MEM medal on the sash. The silver medal and white sash are from the Honors Academy.
This is a copy of part of the program for the ceremony, and explanations of Honors Regalia.
My name is on this page, with notations next to my name, indicating 4.0 GPA and my designation as a Summa Cum Laude.
When I came into the auditorium, the crowd was already cheering, and as soon as I found my family, I gave a fist pump, our signal for victory.
As the ceremony started and the speakers came and went, I was called by name and asked to stand twice, once for my GPA and once for being a transfer student to a 4-year university.
My son, Jason, took some video of parts of the ceremony: The first one is just us entering the arena, and the second one is when I actually crossed the stage and received my diploma.
 |
| Honored Graduate |
Yes, that's right! I graduated from Southwest Tennessee Community College after two years of really hard work. The ceremony was held at the Landers Center in DeSoto County, Mississippi on May 5, 2012 at 10:30am. I was very blessed to have my long-time best friend, Alice Smalley from my Chicago days, fly down to help us celebrate. It's wonderful to have people who believe in you and love you enough to want to celebrate with you. I love you, Alice!
 |
| Alice, Rhys, me and Steve |
First, a few words about the regalia that I was honored to wear. I graduated with a 4.0 GPA, which automatically gave me Summa Cum Laude and qualified me for membership in Phi Theta Kappa. The gold stole, honors cords and gold tassel are symbols of PTK and honors. I was also the Most Enhanced Member of Phi Theta Kappa, and so was able to wear my MEM medal on the sash. The silver medal and white sash are from the Honors Academy.
 | ||
| Graduation Regalia |
This is a copy of part of the program for the ceremony, and explanations of Honors Regalia.
My name is on this page, with notations next to my name, indicating 4.0 GPA and my designation as a Summa Cum Laude.
When I came into the auditorium, the crowd was already cheering, and as soon as I found my family, I gave a fist pump, our signal for victory.
As the ceremony started and the speakers came and went, I was called by name and asked to stand twice, once for my GPA and once for being a transfer student to a 4-year university.
After I crossed the stage and came back around to where my family was sitting, I raised the diploma and said "I DID IT!!!" My family were on their feet cheering for me! We were on SUCH a high from all the excitement!
My son, Jason, took some video of parts of the ceremony: The first one is just us entering the arena, and the second one is when I actually crossed the stage and received my diploma.
So what's next? The Loewenberg School of Nursing in the fall of 2012. This is my summer of working on my health, brushing up on Anatomy & Physiology, Microbiology and Nutrition, getting the house cleaned up and cleaned out, working in the garden, painting the house and playing with the dogs. I've got a big job ahead of me in the fall, and I'll be ready. The moral of the story: Don't F*** with the Germans! HAH!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Monday, April 23, 2012
Mama's Got Game
Recently, I was mulling over the mentality of the people in this part of the country, and I have to agree with my Sociology professor: People in the south are very nice... TO YOUR FACE. It took me a long time to figure out the nature of the beast down here, but I've got it, and I won't lose it again. I've got your game now.
For example, not long after I arrived here, I was verbally accosted by my husband's aunt. What followed was verbal accusations by his mother and grandmother, and then his mother decided to prefer her sister's grandchildren over her own. But it's all right. I've got her game.
We were intentionally excluded from his mother's birthday parties by her "friends" and we weren't invited to any gatherings by his family. It's been 30 years of hell, and it's all right. We've got their game.
We have to hear about family tragedies long after the deed is over. It's all right. We've got your game.
It has been said that to have friends, you have to be a friend. I've done that, and what I've gotten for my efforts is being used, abused and thrown aside. But it's all right. I've got their game.
Periodically, I would conveniently forget how the people down here are and help out with functions at church or wherever. But their true nature always comes forth. And it's all right. I've got their game.
At times, I would assist struggling musicians by creating their websites, and they decided to reward me by not paying what I was owed. It's all right. I've got their game.
In college, I volunteered for many events, only to be cast aside when it came time for a leadership role. I've got your game too.
What I have discovered through this whole process is that no matter how much I would like to have a good friend, I won't have one down here. My best friends are people I met while living in Chicago, and they are still my friends to this day. I've got their game and they've got mine.
What that means is that I know they've got my back. Down south, all I can say I know is that I'm constantly picking their knives out of my back. I won't live like this any longer, and I am saying right here and now that NO is going to be my favorite word. I don't care if someone needs my help and I'm the ONLY person in the world who can help them. Charity begins at home and the only people who will get my help will be my family, and those who have earned my trust.
That's my game and I've already got yours.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
For example, not long after I arrived here, I was verbally accosted by my husband's aunt. What followed was verbal accusations by his mother and grandmother, and then his mother decided to prefer her sister's grandchildren over her own. But it's all right. I've got her game.
We were intentionally excluded from his mother's birthday parties by her "friends" and we weren't invited to any gatherings by his family. It's been 30 years of hell, and it's all right. We've got their game.
We have to hear about family tragedies long after the deed is over. It's all right. We've got your game.
It has been said that to have friends, you have to be a friend. I've done that, and what I've gotten for my efforts is being used, abused and thrown aside. But it's all right. I've got their game.
Periodically, I would conveniently forget how the people down here are and help out with functions at church or wherever. But their true nature always comes forth. And it's all right. I've got their game.
At times, I would assist struggling musicians by creating their websites, and they decided to reward me by not paying what I was owed. It's all right. I've got their game.
In college, I volunteered for many events, only to be cast aside when it came time for a leadership role. I've got your game too.
What I have discovered through this whole process is that no matter how much I would like to have a good friend, I won't have one down here. My best friends are people I met while living in Chicago, and they are still my friends to this day. I've got their game and they've got mine.
What that means is that I know they've got my back. Down south, all I can say I know is that I'm constantly picking their knives out of my back. I won't live like this any longer, and I am saying right here and now that NO is going to be my favorite word. I don't care if someone needs my help and I'm the ONLY person in the world who can help them. Charity begins at home and the only people who will get my help will be my family, and those who have earned my trust.
That's my game and I've already got yours.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Saying Goodbye
Last week, I attended the memorial service for a dear friend of mine. It was a memorial service and not a funeral, because he crossed over on January 5, 2012. His family had moved from Little Rock to Phoenix, and were having the service for all of his friends from where they had lived for 27 years. We were honored to be invited to attend. I wasn't invited to speak, but if I had, this is what I would have said.
Everyone loved Bob. That includes us. I first met Bob Carl in 1981 when he interviewed me for a job as a "Gal Friday" as he called it. I had just left my first husband and was looking for a job and a place to stay. A friend offered me her son's room while he was away at college, and I jumped at the chance. I stayed only two weeks. It might have been longer if Bob hadn't seen something in me that no one else saw at the time. During the interview, he asked me what my salary expectations were. Since I had nothing and needed a job, I bid very low. He sat back in his chair and immediately said "Well, you have to take into consideration your train fare." And he gave me more than I had asked for. I told him that if he hired me, he would never be sorry that he did. I got the job.
Maybe he WAS sorry once or twice, but he never showed it. He made me a part of his family, inviting me for events at the holidays, and bringing chocolate covered strawberries into our Michigan Avenue office. To this day, I can't eat a strawberry without chocolate on it. I grew to know the Carl family immediately. They were all in town for the holidays that year, and we sat in their family room, drinking glug (yes, Pat, I still have those grog mugs) and passing my guitar around for all who knew how, to play. We played and sang silly songs like "The Ballad of Claudine Longet", a song passed on from one of the Carls' friends. I sang a couple of my own tunes, and a man in attendance, who claimed to be a deejay, offered to put it on the radio. That never happened, but it was fun, and one of the best times of my life.
Every time I went to the Carls' home, there was something different to eat or drink, and the good times definitely rolled with them. Pat Carl, Bob's wife, came to be a friend of mine, but I'm not sure if she knows how much she influenced me over the years. There were little things that Bob and Pat said that impacted me greatly. They helped to shape me into who I am and were responsible for giving me clarity. For example, when I met Steve and we were planning our wedding, it was Bob who told me to make my wedding any time I wanted. I protested that my family usually goes to Florida during that time, but he said that if my wedding was important enough, they could change their plans. And they did. Interesting that he saw that before I did.
The Carls came to our wedding, and we have several photos of us together. They came to our wedding because that's what good friends do. Little did I know that soon they would be moving to North Little Rock to form their own business. They lived there happily for 27 years until Bob went into full retirement. We lost track of them then, as they split their time between Florida and NLR, and we never knew when they were in town. We lost them, but we never forgot them. They came to visit after I had Rhys, and Pat took the picture of him standing alone for the very first time. What a gift. The Carls were full of gifts and they were the first people who I recognized as having genuine affection for me.
Bob had this thing for transportation. First, he offered me more money for the job because I needed transportation. Then when the train fare was raised to a ridiculously high level and I could no longer afford to take the train to work, Bob would come and pick me up at my apartment and we would ride in together. I felt like a freeloader, but not because of anything he said or did. It was just that he gave me so much, and I had nothing to give in return. The Carls traveled to our wedding. And then when we were going on our first vacation ever (to Hot Springs), our horrible P.O.S. car broke down in Podunk Arkansas. We found a tiny church off the road and called the Carls for help. We were about an hour away from them. Not only did they drive to get us, but they called a wrecker and had our car towed into their mechanic's shop. Thinking we would never get to our destination, they surprised us by loaning us Pat's Volvo so we could continue our vacation. Their kindnesses were not lost on us. They are an indelible part of our lives. Later on, Bob and Pat became members of a sports car club. Not surprising, considering all the transportation assists we had received from them. We came to visit them a couple of times, and most memorably, for Thanksgiving one year when we had both of the boys and they were young. It was a time I will never forget and we will never forget their kindnesses to us.
Through the miracle of the internet, I found the Carls in Phoenix in the last year. I didn't hear from them much, because Bob had some issues with his heart and Pat was his primary care giver. When she heard a shuffle or a thump, she ran to his side. If we were on the phone at the time, I didn't mind when she said abruptly, "I gotta go." I knew it was to help Bob. Bob was the first recipient of the LVAD, Left Ventricular Assist Device. I don't know much about it, except that it helped him to have a year that they would not ordinarily have had. Bob had his first heart attack soon after moving to North Little Rock, and was not afraid of dying, but wanted others to have the chance to live, and now seven others have received this miracle of modern medicine at Banner Good Samaritan in Phoenix.
I got to see Pat at the memorial, along with her granddaughter, Gloria. I worry about Pat being alone, because so much of her life was wrapped up in Bob's life and his care. My resolve to go out there to visit is extremely strong. But I wish I could have seen Bob again. I saw lots of pictures of him, at his best and at his worst. What a great guy he was. The world just doesn't seem right without him in it.
I think Bob would be proud of the person I am becoming. I am going to college and am graduating with my Associate of Science in May. I have been accepted into the Loewenberg School of Nursing for the fall of 2012. I wish he could be at my graduation. But maybe, just maybe, if I listen closely enough, I can hear him say "well done" that day. I just wish I could hear it in person.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Monday, March 19, 2012
Garden Update
Here we are, with an early spring, and I am having to wait until Easter, when it is officially safe to put my plants in the ground. Grrr. When is Easter anyway? Ugh... April 8. It's been 80 degrees for past week at least. So when am I putting my plants in the ground? Probably this week.
Last week, the guys put the garden together. It took about 12 hours, but I really like the results. It's not as elaborate as I had wanted, but it'll do. I wanted to put up a nice "garden gate" all the way around, but you know what? Nobody is going to see it but us. Well, us and all of you! Ha!
I'm excited this year. Last year was a trial run, to see what we could do. This past winter I have been making all the preparations for spring, doing the research, planning, etc. And then the income tax refund came in! So off we went to get what we needed, and we found ways to make the money stretch. Once the garden is in, we won't have to do it again, but I am already collecting newspapers for next year. But I digress.
A few days ago, the guys put in the grapevines and put the raspberry and blackberry bushes in huge pots until I can decide exactly which part of the yard they can go in. The dwarf figs and kiwi plants are ordered, along with several other kinds of seeds. One of my joys is to watch the hummingbirds and butterflies as they enjoy the garden, so we are planting plenty of hummingbird vines to attract them. No more buying nectar! In fact, no more buying what we will produce in the garden! I am planning to do a lot of canning and freezing once the harvesting starts, and from the looks of our seedlings, we will have a bumper crop! I love filling a pantry full of beautiful vegetables and jams that were made from what we have grown ourselves.
My garden will be my special place to go to get away from daily stresses. Lord knows, I'm so tired of going to classes this year, and I just want to be done! I want to go play in my garden and then be fresh for the fall. Have I mentioned that I'm going to be attending the Loewenberg School of Nursing? Just two more years... two more... two more... and spend all my in-betweens in the garden. It may not be perfect, but it's mine!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Friday, February 24, 2012
Spreading Sunshine
I have been anxiously awaiting the spring this year, and it looks like it will get here sooner than anticipated! I hope to be ready, as my hubby and I have been gathering seeds and gardening materials every week. We don't have much money (read that NONE!) but I'm sure it will be worse this summer, when gas prices are expected to go up to $5.00 per gallon, which raises the prices of everything else. Last year, we attempted our first garden. I haven't had a garden in a great many years, so it was a learning experience. We have learned so much that we are expanding on it this year.
First of all, we will not be using pallets this year. We are building a real raised bed garden. We gathered up old wood from the neighbors when they tore out their deck. Dzia Dzia used to say that there was no such thing as a bad piece of wood, so I sent the guys out to see how much decent wood they could find, and they brought back enough to build the beds up! So now we have a huge pile of wood against the fence, and are making our plans.
Today we looked at fencing, but knowing how fast seeds and plants get bought out, I decided to buy my seeds, bulbs and bushes first. I am planning on a lasagna style of bed preparation, with newspapers on the bottom, then leaves (I have LOTS), then coffee grounds, then soil and lastly leaf mulch. I have some coffee grounds, and leaf mulch, but no newspapers as yet. However, I have a couple of classmates who have promised their old newspapers to me. I told them I would take as much as they wanted to get rid of, and I pay off in vegetables! They readily agreed, so I am hoping they come through quickly. We want to get the bed ready so planting can be done in March.
I have decided to use companion gardening this year, and it has been quite an education to learn what helps which plants to grow, and which ones repel insects and rodents. I am really getting into the idea of edible landscaping this year, and am moving my Rose of Sharon bushes to an area of the yard that is better suited for them, and using the empty space for fig trees, mint, ferns and rue. I am planting onions between azaleas and garlic under the oak tree. Since I have such a small area in the backyard, I am going to use every spare inch I can find to give us a bountiful harvest this summer and fall. I will even cultivate between houses if necessary. I have a small piece of land that I am going to use for raspberries and blackberries, and am planning grapes along the fencing. I am going to plant my blueberry bushes around the graves of my dear departed fur children, and they will become part of us, even as they become part of the landscaping. I have three bushes from last year that I am cultivating into six bushes. If all goes well, we should have a good harvest from them this year.
We will have to protect our gardening from the dogs and birds, so fencing and bird mesh will be in order. We had only a few blueberries last year, and birds took a couple of them. Since we need the berries more than the birds do, bird mesh it is! I am still hopeful to get a cover built for the patio, and that will offer shade for the sliding glass door and give the dogs a place to lay when it's hot outside. It will also offer us a peaceful place to watch the hummingbirds visiting the garden. Life can be so good when you look at it that way!
With a song in my heart and spreading sunshine wherever hopeful gardeners are,
Nazdrowie'!
Paczki Puta
First of all, we will not be using pallets this year. We are building a real raised bed garden. We gathered up old wood from the neighbors when they tore out their deck. Dzia Dzia used to say that there was no such thing as a bad piece of wood, so I sent the guys out to see how much decent wood they could find, and they brought back enough to build the beds up! So now we have a huge pile of wood against the fence, and are making our plans.
Today we looked at fencing, but knowing how fast seeds and plants get bought out, I decided to buy my seeds, bulbs and bushes first. I am planning on a lasagna style of bed preparation, with newspapers on the bottom, then leaves (I have LOTS), then coffee grounds, then soil and lastly leaf mulch. I have some coffee grounds, and leaf mulch, but no newspapers as yet. However, I have a couple of classmates who have promised their old newspapers to me. I told them I would take as much as they wanted to get rid of, and I pay off in vegetables! They readily agreed, so I am hoping they come through quickly. We want to get the bed ready so planting can be done in March.
I have decided to use companion gardening this year, and it has been quite an education to learn what helps which plants to grow, and which ones repel insects and rodents. I am really getting into the idea of edible landscaping this year, and am moving my Rose of Sharon bushes to an area of the yard that is better suited for them, and using the empty space for fig trees, mint, ferns and rue. I am planting onions between azaleas and garlic under the oak tree. Since I have such a small area in the backyard, I am going to use every spare inch I can find to give us a bountiful harvest this summer and fall. I will even cultivate between houses if necessary. I have a small piece of land that I am going to use for raspberries and blackberries, and am planning grapes along the fencing. I am going to plant my blueberry bushes around the graves of my dear departed fur children, and they will become part of us, even as they become part of the landscaping. I have three bushes from last year that I am cultivating into six bushes. If all goes well, we should have a good harvest from them this year.
We will have to protect our gardening from the dogs and birds, so fencing and bird mesh will be in order. We had only a few blueberries last year, and birds took a couple of them. Since we need the berries more than the birds do, bird mesh it is! I am still hopeful to get a cover built for the patio, and that will offer shade for the sliding glass door and give the dogs a place to lay when it's hot outside. It will also offer us a peaceful place to watch the hummingbirds visiting the garden. Life can be so good when you look at it that way!
With a song in my heart and spreading sunshine wherever hopeful gardeners are,
Nazdrowie'!
Paczki Puta
Thursday, January 12, 2012
One Foot in Each World
I just began my last semester at Southwest today, and was reflecting on the path my life has taken, and the path to come. It seems to me that I have always had one foot in one world and one in another.
For example, I have one foot at Southwest, and one at the next school. I have one foot in my hometown, and one here in Memphis. I have one in friendships here and one in friendships of the past. It can be so confusing, and knowing that I have a new path to follow soon does not make it any easier. I have always been the kind of person who moves on easily from one place to another, so why am I now having trouble imagining life after Memphis?
Interesting. It's not like me at all. I am usually very committed to whatever direction I know to be right, but there are some people that I will miss when I leave here. It makes me wonder if I have been mired here too long to do anything else, but at the same time, there are others who are making the same choices that I am now faced with, and they seem to be doing fine. Am I being too cautious, or just trying not to make the same mistake twice? I know that in order to progress, I have to move away. I had to move away from Chicago in order to progress on my life's path, and soon it will be time to move again. I have so much on my mind, and I guess I just want to be sure I'm making the right decision.
Today I was reminded of northern winters when Memphis was hit with a cold front, and the windchill reminded me of the winters I grew up knowing. I miss the north, of that there is no doubt. I miss winters where you can count on having snow all winter long, and that nice period of rest that comes with it. Everything slows down there, and it must if people are going to be safe getting where they are going. People take their time, a lesson that Memphis still has to learn. With harsh winters comes the anticipation of spring and summer. I loved summers up north because of the hard winters we had to endure. I came here and found that I could sweat in places that I never knew existed. I will NOT miss that. I will also not miss those huge flying roaches that the locals call "palmetto bugs", or the jumping spiders. Those things are just nasty. I will not miss the fleas that the mild winters do not kill off. Nor will I miss the horrible work ethic that is so pervasive here. I want to live where work is appreciated. I have not seen that here.
I know that I was sent here to learn life lessons, and believe me, I have more than my share of A's for these lessons. I'm SO done with all of this. Patience is my last and most important lesson. Graduation for my AS is in May. Be patient, you'll get there. BSN is in 2 more years. Be patient, you'll get there. Moving is at least 2 more years. Be very patient, and you'll get there! Patience was never my strong suit. But then again, I'm moving from one world to another. Again.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
For example, I have one foot at Southwest, and one at the next school. I have one foot in my hometown, and one here in Memphis. I have one in friendships here and one in friendships of the past. It can be so confusing, and knowing that I have a new path to follow soon does not make it any easier. I have always been the kind of person who moves on easily from one place to another, so why am I now having trouble imagining life after Memphis?
Interesting. It's not like me at all. I am usually very committed to whatever direction I know to be right, but there are some people that I will miss when I leave here. It makes me wonder if I have been mired here too long to do anything else, but at the same time, there are others who are making the same choices that I am now faced with, and they seem to be doing fine. Am I being too cautious, or just trying not to make the same mistake twice? I know that in order to progress, I have to move away. I had to move away from Chicago in order to progress on my life's path, and soon it will be time to move again. I have so much on my mind, and I guess I just want to be sure I'm making the right decision.
Today I was reminded of northern winters when Memphis was hit with a cold front, and the windchill reminded me of the winters I grew up knowing. I miss the north, of that there is no doubt. I miss winters where you can count on having snow all winter long, and that nice period of rest that comes with it. Everything slows down there, and it must if people are going to be safe getting where they are going. People take their time, a lesson that Memphis still has to learn. With harsh winters comes the anticipation of spring and summer. I loved summers up north because of the hard winters we had to endure. I came here and found that I could sweat in places that I never knew existed. I will NOT miss that. I will also not miss those huge flying roaches that the locals call "palmetto bugs", or the jumping spiders. Those things are just nasty. I will not miss the fleas that the mild winters do not kill off. Nor will I miss the horrible work ethic that is so pervasive here. I want to live where work is appreciated. I have not seen that here.
I know that I was sent here to learn life lessons, and believe me, I have more than my share of A's for these lessons. I'm SO done with all of this. Patience is my last and most important lesson. Graduation for my AS is in May. Be patient, you'll get there. BSN is in 2 more years. Be patient, you'll get there. Moving is at least 2 more years. Be very patient, and you'll get there! Patience was never my strong suit. But then again, I'm moving from one world to another. Again.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
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