Christmas Eve Reflections

What a year this has been. From the very beginning, it seems like this year has been a whirlwind of activity. I started the year with classes at Southwest, and ended the same way, but so much has changed in between.

First, Tucker and Sophie are no longer with us. That still brings a stab to my heart. At this time last year, we were having our last Christmas with Tucker, although we didn't know it at the time. After he was gone, it took months for Rocky to dispose of the huge rawhide bone that we always gave to Tucker at Christmas. Sophie never got to spend Christmas with us. That's such a shame. We still love her and miss them both. Sometimes I feel I can almost hear Tucker's "Roo", even now.

Bella came into our lives, very pregnant, and taught us what it is to truly give. For that, I am eternally grateful. I was also taught to let go. However, in that experience, I was also taught that there are many who would take advantage of those with a kind heart, so we will not be rescuing any more animals. Live and learn.

This year I came back into contact with people that I had not heard from in many years. It's nice to know they are still around, and the friendships are as strong as ever. I am grateful for their presence in my life and even more grateful that they remember me as being a kind person with a sweet soul. Thank you all for that. It's nice to know that people outside of my birth family know the real me.

Along with regaining old friendships, I had to say goodbye to some as well. Sometimes voluntary and sometimes involuntary. Some were very good friends, and some I barely knew. But I remember them all with kindness, and hope the ones who left this world remember me in their hearts with sweetness.

This year I also learned how to let go of anger and let love find its way back into my soul. However, even though I have let go of my anger, that doesn't mean that I have to let hateful people back into my life. My mantra is "live and let live". I don't judge people on how they live their lives. That is their life lesson, not mine. Life is difficult enough without all of that, isn't it? So I've let go and let God handle it all. I'm happier for it.

This year I also had a heart attack, which taught me that life is short, and in order to make it a little longer, I have to get back in the gym. I have done that, and will continue to do it as long as I can still fog a mirror. I have a long way to go, but that's okay. Baby steps.

I've also learned recently that there is merit in enjoying food and drink once in a while. Let go and relax a little. Let others around you relax. If only they would. Every day is a new exercise in making it happen.

Lessons learned in class this year include not counting my chickens until they're hatched. I took on 12-14 hours per semester, and thought I was being smart by taking what I would call "easy" classes along with my concentrations. HAH! They were more work than I thought, and I got through them, but I think the stress from all of it helped to contribute to the heart attack. I had to cut back a little, and I got through it all a little better. Still have a 4.0 GPA, and I'm grateful for that. Maybe all of my brain hasn't gone to mush, like I once thought.

I learned this year that I really am smart and my first semester was not a fluke. I am graduating from Southwest Tennessee Community College this coming May! Okay, so it's only community college, but I will have an Associate of Science, and that is more than I ever thought I would have. I have been given honors and awards, and am a published author. Victories, even small ones, makes one feel powerful. However, with great power comes great responsibility, and I discovered this when I began to be vigorously recruited by other universities for their nursing programs after being declined for the PTA program at Southwest. I have decided on the University of Tennessee Health Sciences Center; their MSN/CNL program. Let's see if they decide on me. I may have to learn to take rejection again, but if so, I have a backup plan at the University of Memphis. Not my first choice, but at least I will come out with a BSN. I will be able to work again, using the skills I learn in nursing along with the years of I.T. experience already in my possession.

This year I also learned the value of being still and being focused. Even though I would love to move, my home is still my safe place, and they can't "get me" here. My home gets better all the time, with improvements being made. My family is still around me, and things are not as bleak as they once were. Sometimes the best strategy is to stay the course.

I am still learning to do without clutter. My final lesson of this year will be to clean up and clean out. This means YOU! Yes, I'm talking to myself here. Clean out the office, the shop and the attic. Less clutter is less stuff taking up space in your brain. Let it go.

Lastly, this year I learned to forgive. I am happier now that I've let it all go. That's what I wish for all of you, out there in the void. Learn to forgive and be happy. You're not hurting anyone but yourself when you hold onto bitterness. Only when you let go can you truly be free.

Merry Christmas to all, and Nazdrowie',

Paczki Puta