Like Rosanne Rosannadanna said, "It just goes to show you, if it's not one thing, it's another." Today, still glowing from Sunday's laudfest at my Phi Theta Kappa induction, I was jolted back to reality by a phone call from the administrator of the WINs program which gave me a grant for college. Apparently, the WINs program has been abruptly ended, as evidenced by the Huffington Post.
Oh dear. Now what? I was counting on that to complete my degree. Hm. It's funny how Congress cuts your hopes without even a thought about what it means to your family. So... on to Plan B. I wish I knew what Plan B was. My whole future, and that of my family, rides on me finishing school. I still have the Pell Grant, which will help some. But what if it doesn't cover the total cost of tuition and books? Something to think about...
I am still the Most Enhanced Member of Phi Theta Kappa. I still have a 4.0 GPA. I am still a published author. I have the friendship and loyalty of a great many people, some in very influential positions. I still have a brain. But I also still live where there are no jobs without a degree. Hm.
Okay, so keep going. Do whatever you have to do to finish school. That is the most important thing to consider. My health is improving, so keep going. Even today, after that rude awakening, I keep going. I got into the gym and worked harder than I have to date. I am going to keep on keeping on. Take THAT, Congress!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Letting It Out
Jillian Michaels had a post today that I responded to and realized that I needed to write and let it all out.
Her post was:
Up for a challenge? Look into the mirror & ask yourself what it is that you have always wanted to say or tell someone,but haven't had the courage? Share it here & then speak your heart,be vulnerable,& take a chance by saying it to the person the message is intended for. Could be about love, forgiveness, making amends, expressing your needs... The only way to have greater happiness is by knowing greater vulnerability.
My response to this was:
To my brothers and sisters... you all did the wrong thing when Wayne died and you didn't call me and left me out of his obituary. I am his sister. I was the first born daughter. You all disgust me with your hatred and posturing. You took away my chance to say goodbye to my brother. I intend to be happy and healthy the rest of my life whether you like it or not. I intend to succeed. You can all go to hell.
And then I realized I wasn't finished and wrote this:
One more: Dad, you abused me and pretended like it didn't happen. Mom, you LET it happen. You were in the room when this asshole started abusing me! How DARE you treat me like I was your property. How DARE you treat me like I didn't matter. How DARE you lie about me to everyone else. I continue to succeed despite what you and everyone else has done to me. My accomplishments are MINE, not YOURS! I am succeeding because I REFUSE to be defined by what you did to me. I am ashamed to say that I came from you. You assholes. You unbelievable jerks.
I was a precious child, and I am a beautiful, honest, hardworking woman. I have accomplished more in my life than you will ever know. I have just finished my first year of college at the age of 55. I finished with a 4.0 GPA. I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa, an International Honor Society. More than that, I was HONORED as the Most Enhanced Member at Sunday's (May 1, 2011) induction ceremony. I am a member of the Honors Academy. I won a literary competition and am now a published author. People look to me as a leader, and I will be the President of my chapter of Phi Theta Kappa.
You have no hold on me, any of you. When you CHOSE to abuse me, when you CHOSE to turn your backs on me, when you CHOSE to lie about me, it was YOUR loss, not mine. Your hatred turns against you. What you do to someone else has already been done to you. When you abuse someone, your body reacts. Your body kills itself... sometimes it happens quickly, but sometimes it happens over months or years. The body will not tolerate what you have done because your spirit will not allow it. Look in the mirror and see how what you have done has backfired in your own bodies. I hope you are happy with yourselves.
As for me, I will continue doing what I am doing, and I am finishing college. My husband, sons and I will be moving our family when I am done. We plan on having a beautiful life. I have never taken any help from any of you. I don't need your kind of help. I only permit honest, hardworking people in my life, not those who try to justify their bad behavior on some supposed slight, some sense of entitlement or some righteous indignation. I pity you. You will never feel fulfilled. You will never feel loved. You will never have enough possessions to fill the emptiness in your soul. Come to think of it, I was really blessed by your absence. Thanks.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Her post was:
Up for a challenge? Look into the mirror & ask yourself what it is that you have always wanted to say or tell someone,but haven't had the courage? Share it here & then speak your heart,be vulnerable,& take a chance by saying it to the person the message is intended for. Could be about love, forgiveness, making amends, expressing your needs... The only way to have greater happiness is by knowing greater vulnerability.
My response to this was:
To my brothers and sisters... you all did the wrong thing when Wayne died and you didn't call me and left me out of his obituary. I am his sister. I was the first born daughter. You all disgust me with your hatred and posturing. You took away my chance to say goodbye to my brother. I intend to be happy and healthy the rest of my life whether you like it or not. I intend to succeed. You can all go to hell.
And then I realized I wasn't finished and wrote this:
One more: Dad, you abused me and pretended like it didn't happen. Mom, you LET it happen. You were in the room when this asshole started abusing me! How DARE you treat me like I was your property. How DARE you treat me like I didn't matter. How DARE you lie about me to everyone else. I continue to succeed despite what you and everyone else has done to me. My accomplishments are MINE, not YOURS! I am succeeding because I REFUSE to be defined by what you did to me. I am ashamed to say that I came from you. You assholes. You unbelievable jerks.
I was a precious child, and I am a beautiful, honest, hardworking woman. I have accomplished more in my life than you will ever know. I have just finished my first year of college at the age of 55. I finished with a 4.0 GPA. I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa, an International Honor Society. More than that, I was HONORED as the Most Enhanced Member at Sunday's (May 1, 2011) induction ceremony. I am a member of the Honors Academy. I won a literary competition and am now a published author. People look to me as a leader, and I will be the President of my chapter of Phi Theta Kappa.
You have no hold on me, any of you. When you CHOSE to abuse me, when you CHOSE to turn your backs on me, when you CHOSE to lie about me, it was YOUR loss, not mine. Your hatred turns against you. What you do to someone else has already been done to you. When you abuse someone, your body reacts. Your body kills itself... sometimes it happens quickly, but sometimes it happens over months or years. The body will not tolerate what you have done because your spirit will not allow it. Look in the mirror and see how what you have done has backfired in your own bodies. I hope you are happy with yourselves.
As for me, I will continue doing what I am doing, and I am finishing college. My husband, sons and I will be moving our family when I am done. We plan on having a beautiful life. I have never taken any help from any of you. I don't need your kind of help. I only permit honest, hardworking people in my life, not those who try to justify their bad behavior on some supposed slight, some sense of entitlement or some righteous indignation. I pity you. You will never feel fulfilled. You will never feel loved. You will never have enough possessions to fill the emptiness in your soul. Come to think of it, I was really blessed by your absence. Thanks.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
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