Winding Down My Thank You's

I am up early... again.  I intended to sleep in this morning, but mornings are the best part of my day, when no one is awake yet and the quiet of the house helps me to center myself.  My morning coffee brings me comfort, and the silence is the most welcome part of my day, allowing me to gather my thoughts.  This semester is almost over... finally.  I don't think I have ever been so happy to see a semester end.  This one has particularly horrid:  nursing school.

I think they try to kill you during the first semester.  I say that because it's the only one I will go through. A good friend of mine told me something that last day of my pre-lab:  "These are the two WORST years of your life."  Considering all that I've been through in my 50+ years, I had to reconsider this path.  I don't want to spend the next two years in hell, after all, does any one of us even know if we will live another two years?  I certainly don't, and the chance of me passing away before my classmates is pretty high.  So... I decided to swallow my pride and change directions.  What I didn't expect and should have, is that my classmates would begin to ostracize me early on.

I have met some pretty awesome people this semester, and I have met some really rotten ones.  The people that surprise me are the ones I didn't think much of in the beginning, but have proven themselves to be worth my time, and the ones that I thought were worth my time turned out to be least worthy.  Interesting turn of events.  Perhaps they were only putting on a good face because they thought they would have to deal with me during the whole course of their nursing school experience.  Maybe.  Maybe now they are distancing themselves from me because they want it to be easier on themselves when the semester closes.  I have done it at times myself.  We all make choices, and they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions, just like I do.  It's perfectly whatever.  While I have a quiet moment, I want to take time to remember the experience while it is fresh in my mind and say my thank you's now.

Thank you to those in my class who stood by me during my time with you.  Elizabeth, Anna, Amanda, Jessica (all of you!), Cherish:  I think you are awesome people and will make great nurses.  Thank you to those who proved my initial observation of you to be wrong.  Carla, I didn't like you in the beginning, but am so glad you proved me wrong.  Thank you for being there and for all your encouragement.  I think you will be a great nurse.  Stephen, I'm still not quite sure what to make of you, but thank you for all your help and for making me laugh when I needed it.  To the ladies of my clinical group, I'm sorry you felt you had to distance yourselves from me, but I get it.  To the others... thank you to the ones who were nice to me, and thank you to the ones who didn't take the time to get to know me.  There were valuable lessons I learned from both groups.

Thank you to my family and inner circle for the support you gave me.  As always, you are an invaluable resource of knowledge and revelation for me.  You set me back on track when I felt I was faltering.  I think the most important thing you taught me is self-preservation.  When I am unclear about my path or what is going on around me, I am grateful to have people to light my way.  Thank you for helping me to realize that nothing matters right now except that I put my feet on the right path and enjoy the moments for what they are.

There have been many times this semester when I had to stand back and remember that I am the senior of this group and that most of the people in my class will live on after I'm gone.  It's sad in a way, but I am glad that I lived long enough to be able to see this clearly.  I have had several scares in the past few weeks, and I have to wonder if it's due to the stress or just my aging body.  Maybe it's both.  Whatever the cause, the cure is in front of me, and I am taking hold of it now while I can.  At this time in my life, it's time to soar instead of being tethered.

So on to the next chapter, as soon as finals are over.  I will probably not stick around after the last final, but let those who have bonded rejoice while I slip away.  It's a fitting end.

Nazdrowie'

Paczki Puta