Happily Never After

As a rule, I try not to write when I'm depressed.  Today is an exception because I just can't seem to shake it, and writing is my way to get rid of it.  Usually when I write about what is bothering me, it lends perspective and I can let it go.  I hope that is the case this time.

I am tired of.  Don't ask what.  EVERYTHING!  I'm tired of being bored.  I'm tired of the only entertainment I have is this damn computer.  I'm tired of not being able to go outdoors because it's too damned hot and humid to do anything fun.  I'm tired of not being able to breathe in this crap.

I'm tired of waking up in the same damned house for the past 24 years.  We were supposed to be out of this house 21 years ago.  I'm tired of waking up in Memphis.  I'm tired of trying to sleep and then even having to wake up in the morning.  I'm just tired of.

I'm tired of having so many animals in the house.  I love them all, and wouldn't give one up, but I am tired of all the attention they want all the time.  I give what I can, but then I'm tired of it.  They don't understand, and I can't expect them to.

I'm tired of trying to drag my butt out in the gym (a scant 10 steps away), only to never see anything change.  It's futile.  In days past, when I got in the gym, I saw results.  I don't see them anymore and I'm tired of trying.

I'm tired of this house that I hate falling apart.  I'm tired of nothing ever being done about it unless I start an argument.  I'm tired of living in this same place, on this same damned corner, in this city that I hate.

I'm tired of my husband going to a job he hates.  I'm tired of my sons being such downers that they ruin my usually good mood every day.

I'm tired of trying to make ends meet when there is no visible way to make it happen.  I'm tired of the same old crappy food, my clothes that are in shreds and never having any peace.

I'm tired of people telling me what great people my sister and her husband are, when I know the truth.  What you see is the face they want you to see, people!  They're not showing you who they really are, because most likely, you don't have anything they want to steal!  If you want to spend time with them, make sure you check to see if you still have your wallet.

I'm tired of brown grass.  I've tried to do something about it, but it's futile.  We have brown grass every stinking summer in this city that I hate.  I hate that I don't open the curtains anymore because I don't want to see what's out there.

I'm tired of never having any options.  I'm tired of having to go to school for something that I don't even think I'll be good at, simply because I don't have any choice.  I'm tired of never being able to get away from this crap.

I'm tired of waiting for life to get better.  I don't do "tomorrow" well.  Today is all we have and I don't like what I see.

So what's the answer?  I'm tired of being awake and I'm going back to bed.

Nazdrowie'

Paczki Puta