My So-Called Life at Christmas This Year

"You certainly are doing things at the last minute," my son said to me this morning when I told him that we were cleaning house today along with making cookies.  Is it possible that the irony of this statement is lost on him?  If anyone were to look at my life right now, they would be astonished to see the turn of events and how we are trying to hold it all together and still make Christmas happen.  Let me explain.

Last year, my husband lost his job.  After 10 months of looking, he took a job that was way beneath him, but he saw as what he had to do.  The job doesn't pay the bills, but he felt that he had to take it.  Then a few weeks into the job, he had a horrendous accident on the job, which could have left him dead, and took away our good car.  We still have the other car, but it's hard for 4 people to get around town on one car and keep the family going.  We're doing it, but it's incredibly difficult.  The accident left us with numerous medical bills, for which, thankfully, we have insurance, but I had previous medical bills for which there was NO insurance.  Then I had surgery in October for the issue that sent me to the hospital several times.  This time, I had insurance.  But even having insurance is no cure for the part of the medical bills that we have yet to cover.

Then there is school.  I am coming up on my last full semester, and I had no way to pay for it.  After I broke down in front of the administrators of the program, it was suggested to me that I file an appeal on financial aid so I can finish school.  I did, and the aid was granted, thank goodness.  But I still have 6 months to get through before I can find a job, so the saga continues.

I just finished my first clinical rotation a week ago, and have been busy being sick and trying to get the rest of the family well again, and making kielbasa, pierogi and kolache for the pre-orders I have for Christmas.  The kielbasa is coming out fine, but the others aren't.  I decided to cancel the remaining pierogi and kolache orders to take the pressure off me.  Good decision.  But I still have to make them for us, which I will do today and tomorrow.

"You certainly are doing things at the last minute."  I'm still astonished by the words.  Right now, I am taking a precious few minutes to write this entry, in between cleaning the kitchen and starting on cookies.  The only reason I am taking this time is to catch my breath.  I had a cold shower this morning because I let everyone else get theirs first.  I made breakfast, did the dishes, and started cleaning the kitchen before my shower.  I very rarely ask for everyone to help me clean the house, but it has become apparent to me that more than one person lives here, so more than one person is going to have to help, no matter how much they would like to sit in their bedrooms and play on their computers or sit on the couch watching a game.  Really now...
*I* don't have time to sit.  I still have Christmas to do.

I have been ordering gifts a little at a time.  I wrap them as they arrive, but there is no fancy ribbon making this year, and no To/From tags.  I am writing on the packages with marker.  Yesterday, I took everyone out to get new shoes.  When your shoes get worn, it's time to replace them, even if you have to use part of your Christmas money.  And then there are glasses.  Steve and Jason both need new ones, so that is part of their Christmas too.  *sigh*  There will be remarkably few gifts under the tree this year.  But I am hoping that it is enough, and that they understand how much I had to give up to make this happen.

Am I doing things late this year?  I guess the answer depends on your point of view.  In my eyes, I am doing them at exactly the right time, because now is all I have.  Once Christmas is over, life will go back to normal, and I can once again worry about whether or not we will still have a house next month at this time. I try not to worry, but I have to wonder why this is all happening now.  Hopefully, my husband will have a new job in another week, as he had an interview that was extremely promising.  So... fingers crossed for now. 

But why all of a sudden is everything so urgent?  Did we have to get to this point before we decided never to be in this situation again?  Maybe we have to get smarter so we don't have to work so hard.  At least the house will be clean.

Nazdrowie'

Paczki Puta