New Year's Eve - A time for reflection and for making plans to go forward. Everyone deserves a second chance, so this year, I have a major resolution in the wings that I have been preparing for in the last week or two. This New Year's Eve, my resolution is to be kind to myself. It's as simple and as complex as that. In the past, I have put myself through all kinds of trial in the name of "sacrificing" for the good of others. This year will be different.
By resolving to be good to myself, I am narrowing my focus down to one thing: Me. It is extremely selfish of me to do this, and it's about time! I have given freely of myself and I will be selfish enough to understand that you cannot pour wine from an empty cup. I have to take time to refill the cup. I resolve to put myself first and here are the 12 Steps that I intend to take.
1. No longer will I answer the phone or answer texts when it is inconvenient for me.
I have set aside a time every day when I will respond to those messages and I will stick to it.
My time is very precious and I will only use it to better myself and my goals. No squandering.
2. I will eat well. I am responsible for taking care of this machine and keeping it in top running order.
I will give my body top fuel and I will take my vitamins. Change happens at the cellular level, and
I will eat with the knowledge of how what I put in my body changes what goes on in the cells.
3. I will exercise. If I want the mitochondrion in my cells to have more oxygen, I have to give it
to them. If I want them to go through normal life cycles, I have to give them the right fuel.
Fat burns in a glucose flame, so I will stoke that furnace. I will get stronger and more flexible
as a result.
4. I will stick to my planner. To everything there is a season, and if it isn't in my planner, it isn't going to
be done. I function best under deadlines and schedules, so my planner will be filled with all kinds of
deadlines and schedules.
5. I will schedule recreation time. Since I tend to put this last, I am going to put it higher up on my list.
Recreation may be as simple as playing a game or as complex as going on a vacation.
6. I will get up, dress up and show up. It's important that I take care in my appearance and to stay
current in trends. This went up on my list this year.
7. I will take chances. Chances are experiences that I will regret not taking.
8. I will take time to laugh. Laughter is medicine. 'Nuff said.
9. I will take quiet time to myself. Silence is golden and I will use it as such.
10. I will guard my sleep like a jealous lover. Nothing and no one will steal my sleep from me.
11. I will devote myself to my studies, knowing that every paper, every deadline and every exam brings
me closer to my goal.
12. I will live my life according to how I want to live it, not how others expect me to live it.
I will eliminate whiners, energy vampires and negative people from my life.
Remolding my life is an easy task, but yet a complex one, and not everyone is going to understand when I start to devote more of my time to me. But this is a new year, and it's going to be MY year, so everybody stand aside! There's a storm coming and her name is Hurricane Lynn!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Winding Down My Thank You's
I am up early... again. I intended to sleep in this morning, but mornings are the best part of my day, when no one is awake yet and the quiet of the house helps me to center myself. My morning coffee brings me comfort, and the silence is the most welcome part of my day, allowing me to gather my thoughts. This semester is almost over... finally. I don't think I have ever been so happy to see a semester end. This one has particularly horrid: nursing school.
I think they try to kill you during the first semester. I say that because it's the only one I will go through. A good friend of mine told me something that last day of my pre-lab: "These are the two WORST years of your life." Considering all that I've been through in my 50+ years, I had to reconsider this path. I don't want to spend the next two years in hell, after all, does any one of us even know if we will live another two years? I certainly don't, and the chance of me passing away before my classmates is pretty high. So... I decided to swallow my pride and change directions. What I didn't expect and should have, is that my classmates would begin to ostracize me early on.
I have met some pretty awesome people this semester, and I have met some really rotten ones. The people that surprise me are the ones I didn't think much of in the beginning, but have proven themselves to be worth my time, and the ones that I thought were worth my time turned out to be least worthy. Interesting turn of events. Perhaps they were only putting on a good face because they thought they would have to deal with me during the whole course of their nursing school experience. Maybe. Maybe now they are distancing themselves from me because they want it to be easier on themselves when the semester closes. I have done it at times myself. We all make choices, and they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions, just like I do. It's perfectly whatever. While I have a quiet moment, I want to take time to remember the experience while it is fresh in my mind and say my thank you's now.
Thank you to those in my class who stood by me during my time with you. Elizabeth, Anna, Amanda, Jessica (all of you!), Cherish: I think you are awesome people and will make great nurses. Thank you to those who proved my initial observation of you to be wrong. Carla, I didn't like you in the beginning, but am so glad you proved me wrong. Thank you for being there and for all your encouragement. I think you will be a great nurse. Stephen, I'm still not quite sure what to make of you, but thank you for all your help and for making me laugh when I needed it. To the ladies of my clinical group, I'm sorry you felt you had to distance yourselves from me, but I get it. To the others... thank you to the ones who were nice to me, and thank you to the ones who didn't take the time to get to know me. There were valuable lessons I learned from both groups.
Thank you to my family and inner circle for the support you gave me. As always, you are an invaluable resource of knowledge and revelation for me. You set me back on track when I felt I was faltering. I think the most important thing you taught me is self-preservation. When I am unclear about my path or what is going on around me, I am grateful to have people to light my way. Thank you for helping me to realize that nothing matters right now except that I put my feet on the right path and enjoy the moments for what they are.
There have been many times this semester when I had to stand back and remember that I am the senior of this group and that most of the people in my class will live on after I'm gone. It's sad in a way, but I am glad that I lived long enough to be able to see this clearly. I have had several scares in the past few weeks, and I have to wonder if it's due to the stress or just my aging body. Maybe it's both. Whatever the cause, the cure is in front of me, and I am taking hold of it now while I can. At this time in my life, it's time to soar instead of being tethered.
So on to the next chapter, as soon as finals are over. I will probably not stick around after the last final, but let those who have bonded rejoice while I slip away. It's a fitting end.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I think they try to kill you during the first semester. I say that because it's the only one I will go through. A good friend of mine told me something that last day of my pre-lab: "These are the two WORST years of your life." Considering all that I've been through in my 50+ years, I had to reconsider this path. I don't want to spend the next two years in hell, after all, does any one of us even know if we will live another two years? I certainly don't, and the chance of me passing away before my classmates is pretty high. So... I decided to swallow my pride and change directions. What I didn't expect and should have, is that my classmates would begin to ostracize me early on.
I have met some pretty awesome people this semester, and I have met some really rotten ones. The people that surprise me are the ones I didn't think much of in the beginning, but have proven themselves to be worth my time, and the ones that I thought were worth my time turned out to be least worthy. Interesting turn of events. Perhaps they were only putting on a good face because they thought they would have to deal with me during the whole course of their nursing school experience. Maybe. Maybe now they are distancing themselves from me because they want it to be easier on themselves when the semester closes. I have done it at times myself. We all make choices, and they will have to live with the consequences of their decisions, just like I do. It's perfectly whatever. While I have a quiet moment, I want to take time to remember the experience while it is fresh in my mind and say my thank you's now.
Thank you to those in my class who stood by me during my time with you. Elizabeth, Anna, Amanda, Jessica (all of you!), Cherish: I think you are awesome people and will make great nurses. Thank you to those who proved my initial observation of you to be wrong. Carla, I didn't like you in the beginning, but am so glad you proved me wrong. Thank you for being there and for all your encouragement. I think you will be a great nurse. Stephen, I'm still not quite sure what to make of you, but thank you for all your help and for making me laugh when I needed it. To the ladies of my clinical group, I'm sorry you felt you had to distance yourselves from me, but I get it. To the others... thank you to the ones who were nice to me, and thank you to the ones who didn't take the time to get to know me. There were valuable lessons I learned from both groups.
Thank you to my family and inner circle for the support you gave me. As always, you are an invaluable resource of knowledge and revelation for me. You set me back on track when I felt I was faltering. I think the most important thing you taught me is self-preservation. When I am unclear about my path or what is going on around me, I am grateful to have people to light my way. Thank you for helping me to realize that nothing matters right now except that I put my feet on the right path and enjoy the moments for what they are.
There have been many times this semester when I had to stand back and remember that I am the senior of this group and that most of the people in my class will live on after I'm gone. It's sad in a way, but I am glad that I lived long enough to be able to see this clearly. I have had several scares in the past few weeks, and I have to wonder if it's due to the stress or just my aging body. Maybe it's both. Whatever the cause, the cure is in front of me, and I am taking hold of it now while I can. At this time in my life, it's time to soar instead of being tethered.
So on to the next chapter, as soon as finals are over. I will probably not stick around after the last final, but let those who have bonded rejoice while I slip away. It's a fitting end.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
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