What a year this has been. From the very beginning, it seems like this year has been a whirlwind of activity. I started the year with classes at Southwest, and ended the same way, but so much has changed in between.
First, Tucker and Sophie are no longer with us. That still brings a stab to my heart. At this time last year, we were having our last Christmas with Tucker, although we didn't know it at the time. After he was gone, it took months for Rocky to dispose of the huge rawhide bone that we always gave to Tucker at Christmas. Sophie never got to spend Christmas with us. That's such a shame. We still love her and miss them both. Sometimes I feel I can almost hear Tucker's "Roo", even now.
Bella came into our lives, very pregnant, and taught us what it is to truly give. For that, I am eternally grateful. I was also taught to let go. However, in that experience, I was also taught that there are many who would take advantage of those with a kind heart, so we will not be rescuing any more animals. Live and learn.
This year I came back into contact with people that I had not heard from in many years. It's nice to know they are still around, and the friendships are as strong as ever. I am grateful for their presence in my life and even more grateful that they remember me as being a kind person with a sweet soul. Thank you all for that. It's nice to know that people outside of my birth family know the real me.
Along with regaining old friendships, I had to say goodbye to some as well. Sometimes voluntary and sometimes involuntary. Some were very good friends, and some I barely knew. But I remember them all with kindness, and hope the ones who left this world remember me in their hearts with sweetness.
This year I also learned how to let go of anger and let love find its way back into my soul. However, even though I have let go of my anger, that doesn't mean that I have to let hateful people back into my life. My mantra is "live and let live". I don't judge people on how they live their lives. That is their life lesson, not mine. Life is difficult enough without all of that, isn't it? So I've let go and let God handle it all. I'm happier for it.
This year I also had a heart attack, which taught me that life is short, and in order to make it a little longer, I have to get back in the gym. I have done that, and will continue to do it as long as I can still fog a mirror. I have a long way to go, but that's okay. Baby steps.
I've also learned recently that there is merit in enjoying food and drink once in a while. Let go and relax a little. Let others around you relax. If only they would. Every day is a new exercise in making it happen.
Lessons learned in class this year include not counting my chickens until they're hatched. I took on 12-14 hours per semester, and thought I was being smart by taking what I would call "easy" classes along with my concentrations. HAH! They were more work than I thought, and I got through them, but I think the stress from all of it helped to contribute to the heart attack. I had to cut back a little, and I got through it all a little better. Still have a 4.0 GPA, and I'm grateful for that. Maybe all of my brain hasn't gone to mush, like I once thought.
I learned this year that I really am smart and my first semester was not a fluke. I am graduating from Southwest Tennessee Community College this coming May! Okay, so it's only community college, but I will have an Associate of Science, and that is more than I ever thought I would have. I have been given honors and awards, and am a published author. Victories, even small ones, makes one feel powerful. However, with great power comes great responsibility, and I discovered this when I began to be vigorously recruited by other universities for their nursing programs after being declined for the PTA program at Southwest. I have decided on the University of Tennessee Health Sciences Center; their MSN/CNL program. Let's see if they decide on me. I may have to learn to take rejection again, but if so, I have a backup plan at the University of Memphis. Not my first choice, but at least I will come out with a BSN. I will be able to work again, using the skills I learn in nursing along with the years of I.T. experience already in my possession.
This year I also learned the value of being still and being focused. Even though I would love to move, my home is still my safe place, and they can't "get me" here. My home gets better all the time, with improvements being made. My family is still around me, and things are not as bleak as they once were. Sometimes the best strategy is to stay the course.
I am still learning to do without clutter. My final lesson of this year will be to clean up and clean out. This means YOU! Yes, I'm talking to myself here. Clean out the office, the shop and the attic. Less clutter is less stuff taking up space in your brain. Let it go.
Lastly, this year I learned to forgive. I am happier now that I've let it all go. That's what I wish for all of you, out there in the void. Learn to forgive and be happy. You're not hurting anyone but yourself when you hold onto bitterness. Only when you let go can you truly be free.
Merry Christmas to all, and Nazdrowie',
Paczki Puta
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Treasure Hunt
For quite a few years, I have been threatening to go into the recesses of the attic and find "The Box" that I put all my childhood mementos in. I was looking for one particular object: My autograph book. In that book are the signatures of my grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles who are all gone now. For some reason, I just HAD to take another look the other day.
First, I sent my son into the attic (because I'm old and decrepit and can't be trusted not to fall down the stairs, apparently), and when he came up empty, I went up there and got a couple of boxes that I knew had some of Steve's mementos in them, and brought them down. It wasn't until yesterday, while hanging upside down on the inversion table, that I saw something familiar peeking out of the box and started to tear into it.
What I saw was a red ribbon with the moniker "TF South" on it. I knew immediately that I had found the box with my treasures in it. There among Steve's boy scout patches, I found the autograph book for which I had searched so long and hard. Instantly, I tore it open (unzipped is more like it) and searched for Dzia Dzia's signature. I passed more than a few signatures along the way, that of Felix and Mary Cieslak (my great-grandparents), Busia (my grandmother), my parents, and then I saw his signature.
Dzia Dzia's handwriting was a beautiful cursive, and not at all like the writing you see so often today. Penmanship was prized back then, and I had even won an award in first or second grade for penmanship. I ran my fingers along the words he had written, closed my eyes and imagined him as he wrote them. The thought brought a stab to my heart, as I brought myself back to the present, realizing once again that he has been gone an entire 38 years. I closed the book again after showing it to my family, who know how much I reverence Dzia Dzia's memory and left it on my dining room table with the other items from the box, which I had not yet begun to go through.
I started going through the items today, and found a treasure trove of memories I had forgotten all about. There were newspaper clippings from when I was in high school, my report cards for grade school, award ribbons, graduation cards, my bronzed baby shoes, old letters from a girl my brother Wayne was supposed to marry but didn't, old pictures given to me from people I knew in junior high school, my high school graduation picture and one made 10 years later, and some small portfolios I had from pets that were part of my life. I was going to throw the pet portfolios away, but was tempted into looking inside. It was then I got the surprise of my life.
In those folders, were pictures of my german shepherd, Brandie, and my cats, Animal and Spooker, all now long gone, but not before leaving me with very fond memories. There were pictures of me when I was a young wife, not quite 19, doing my needlework, with a red bandana on, and Brandie as a puppy, romping playfully nearby. There are a couple of pictures of some guy I used to know holding Spooker, and if it weren't for Spooker being in the picture, I'm sure I would have thrown them away. I don't even remember his name. But the pictures will stay, just because they caught my beautiful black kitty at his most beautiful stage.
As I packed my treasures up, I teared up; it's sad to notice how snugly all my little memories fit into this small box. They seem so large inside me. Maybe that's the way they are meant to be.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Rescuing the Rescued
It's funny how a quick decision can change your life forever. Everyone knows that I am an animal lover. What I didn't realize is how far that love would take me. Two weeks ago, I rescued a pregnant lab/shepherd mix from the Tipton County Animal Shelter. We have tentatively named her Bella.
Bella is a beautiful girl, with a sweet temperament and a hearty appetite! Her time to deliver the puppies came last week on the 21st of September. She gave birth to 7 beautiful babies, and we were privileged to be able to watch the birth of the last two. Out of the 7, six are boys and one is a girl. They are doing well and we feel blessed to be able to enjoy them at our house.
While we do enjoy them, it is becoming a challenge to keep bedding clean and to find space and time for it all. The puppies are not demanding at this time, but Bella is! She was malnourished when she came to us, and although the shelter tried to tell me that it was the pregnancy pulling her skin taut, I knew better. Bella is eating 4 times a day now, but is finally starting to fill out. Her ribcage is barely visible, and her spine doesn't stick out like it did. She is warm, dry and comfortable. She has playmates, a family and more then enough to eat. She is a good mom, and I feel like a good granddog mom.
I have been fortunate to come into contact with some really good people who have helped me out with donations of both food, treats and money for the vetting costs of getting these beauties ready to be placed into their forever homes. Good Dog Rescue in Memphis is going to help us to adopt them all out, probably in the New England area. Every one of these babies will have their shots and wormings before I let them go, and I will be a part of the adoptive process. Every applicant is carefully screened, and the prospective adoptive family will be talking to me to find out about the dog. Really, I know it's a good thing, even if it will be hard for me to let them all go. I have to feel comfortable about who is getting the babies, as I will not stand for them to go to shelters after all the care they are getting here.
The puppies had their first bath today. And boy, they didn't like it. But I want them to get used to being handled, and I want to make sure they are clean, warm and well-cared for. Bella is good about letting me handle the puppies. I think she knows I will not hurt them, as I will not hurt her either. Today I ordered a play yard for the puppies, because they have already doubled in size, and they are only a week and a half old. God help me. I will put a small wading pool in the middle of the play yard, put a warm blanket on one side, and let them roam around. The play yard is 3 feet tall, about 25 square feet, and has a door so I can let Bella in whenever she wants. I know the puppies will become very active once their eyes are open, so I want to be ready. AND I want to contain the mess! The only other thing I have to worry about is the cats. I will have to make sure they are all contained and don't get into the pen. That's another battle in itself. I have two cats that would potentially jump into the pen, so those are the ones I will deal with. Maybe securing a blanket on top of the pen will discourage the cats. Anyway, I'm trying to be prepared.
The other dogs are doing all right with Bella, except for the times when Bella has threatened Rocky a little, but Rocky has to be threatened now and then. She's a bird dog, and it would be natural for her to get one of the babies and hurt it. She's killed birds, squirrels and rats, and I think she had a hand in killing a coon that came in the yard. She's a handful, but she keeps rodents away. I just don't want her to mistake the pups for rodents.
It's a learning experience. Who knew that rescuing this one dog could give my family such a good healing experience from our losses in the last year? It's certainly been a long time coming. Maybe karma is changing in my direction now. Here's to hoping!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Monday, September 19, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Through the Looking Glass
I feel old. The face in the mirror is showing the ravages of time. My skin is thinning around my eyes and I see the dark circles that I've always hated so much. There isn't enough concealer in the world to cover them. An inherited trait. My eyelids droop. I don't know when that started but I don't like the effect. Another inherited trait. I haven't worn eye makeup for a really long time. I can't stand the stuff. I used to use it all the time, but for what reason? Whatever it was, the reason doesn't exist anymore.
I look at my chin... single. It used to be a double chin, but I've got it back down to a single. Back to the eyes... they look like the life has been sucked right out of them. I look tired. I AM tired. Tired of life. Tired of trying. Tired of being beaten down again. Tired. Tired. Tired.
My classmates can't believe my age, and sometimes I can't believe it either. How did I get so old? I go to my P.E. class and don't understand why my body won't respond the way I want it to. Aren't I still 20 years old? No, honey. You're not. You have to wear a heart monitor and not try to keep up with everyone else. I feel like a beginner all over again. I hate it. Why am I in school again? Somehow the answer escapes me today.
I hate feeling like life has passed me by. All I've ever wanted was a family, a home with a fireplace and a lake view. I have the family. I have the home, but no fireplace. No lake view. The view outside my house is not one that I ever thought I would be looking at all these years later. We have been fixing up the house, and it's getting nicer. But it will never have a fireplace. Yes, we have to move. Am I too old to move?
I color my hair... in a desperate attempt to be... what? Younger? I've tried coloring it dark so I can let the silvers come out, but somehow my hair always sheds the dark color and goes light again. Is there a lesson for me in there? Don't try to be what you're not? Hello, Void... are you listening? Do you have an answer for me? I don't hear anything in response.
Who would be proud of me? I know my husband and sons are proud. My parents probably wouldn't care. I want to cry. I think my grandparents would be proud of me. I'm trying so hard and I'm just so tired. I want to just lie down but I don't. I have too much to do. I know it'll be there tomorrow, but I'll be older tomorrow. Unfortunately, the clock doesn't go in reverse. That silly thing about "spring forward, fall back" doesn't apply to real life. What a shame.
So what, right? Who cares what happens to me? I look old and I feel old. I don't try to be young. I don't know how to be old though. I always said that I'd get old, kicking and screaming all the way, but I don't feel that way anymore. Growing old gracefully seems a foreign concept, but it's what I want now. All except for the weight. I'm still trying to get rid of it. I have time and the heat of this area working against me. I want to go home. I want to breathe clean air. I want to have clean water to drink.
And dammit, I want that home with a fireplace on a lake.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I look at my chin... single. It used to be a double chin, but I've got it back down to a single. Back to the eyes... they look like the life has been sucked right out of them. I look tired. I AM tired. Tired of life. Tired of trying. Tired of being beaten down again. Tired. Tired. Tired.
My classmates can't believe my age, and sometimes I can't believe it either. How did I get so old? I go to my P.E. class and don't understand why my body won't respond the way I want it to. Aren't I still 20 years old? No, honey. You're not. You have to wear a heart monitor and not try to keep up with everyone else. I feel like a beginner all over again. I hate it. Why am I in school again? Somehow the answer escapes me today.
I hate feeling like life has passed me by. All I've ever wanted was a family, a home with a fireplace and a lake view. I have the family. I have the home, but no fireplace. No lake view. The view outside my house is not one that I ever thought I would be looking at all these years later. We have been fixing up the house, and it's getting nicer. But it will never have a fireplace. Yes, we have to move. Am I too old to move?
I color my hair... in a desperate attempt to be... what? Younger? I've tried coloring it dark so I can let the silvers come out, but somehow my hair always sheds the dark color and goes light again. Is there a lesson for me in there? Don't try to be what you're not? Hello, Void... are you listening? Do you have an answer for me? I don't hear anything in response.
Who would be proud of me? I know my husband and sons are proud. My parents probably wouldn't care. I want to cry. I think my grandparents would be proud of me. I'm trying so hard and I'm just so tired. I want to just lie down but I don't. I have too much to do. I know it'll be there tomorrow, but I'll be older tomorrow. Unfortunately, the clock doesn't go in reverse. That silly thing about "spring forward, fall back" doesn't apply to real life. What a shame.
So what, right? Who cares what happens to me? I look old and I feel old. I don't try to be young. I don't know how to be old though. I always said that I'd get old, kicking and screaming all the way, but I don't feel that way anymore. Growing old gracefully seems a foreign concept, but it's what I want now. All except for the weight. I'm still trying to get rid of it. I have time and the heat of this area working against me. I want to go home. I want to breathe clean air. I want to have clean water to drink.
And dammit, I want that home with a fireplace on a lake.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Whatever Made Me Think I Could Do It All?
I have decided that I am making myself crazy. Okay, that's not quite accurate. My family would tell you that I've always been crazy, but then again, so are they. But I digress. Today was another eye-opener when I realized I was doing what I always did... taking on too much and stressing about it.
I thought when I joined Phi Theta Kappa and became Most Enhanced Member that I would relax a little and enjoy the limelight. But the thing you don't realize about the limelight is that it is addictive. So I found myself overdoing it once again, over-achiever that I am. The problem with being an over-achiever is that you don't understand why everyone else isn't the same way. So you find yourself frustrated with being the one to take on everything, to do everything, to plan everything, and when someone else doesn't supply what you need to get the job done, it's incredibly frustrating.
Case in point... I had decided (well, some people would say coerced) into joining the Honors Academy at Southwest and was convinced that it would do me and my degree some good if the words "Honors Academy" were on my sheepskin. In order to have that happen, I would have to get five Honors Contracts with my professors, which means a lot of extra work. Now, I've never been one to shy away from extra work if it will benefit me in the long run, but as time went on, I realized what had to happen in order to get all of this done. First of all, I would have to get all this extra work approved through the director of the Honors Academy. That meant it would not be work of my choosing, but something that had to be "approved". Not to my liking.
Second, I would have to have a place to run away and hide so I can do the work required. I had chosen to work in the Honors Suite, but after a disrupting afternoon in there yesterday, I wrote the director to find out what the rules were. He basically told me that if I needed quiet, to go somewhere else, which was a direct contradiction of what I had been told by my PTK advisor. So... I have decided to go back into the hallway and work there again. The problem with working in the hallway is that I am often interrupted by people coming by to say hello. Nothing wrong with that, and I love it when people think highly enough of me to spend their time with me. But it sometimes interrupts my flow. So even though it can be disruptive, I have decided that I will socialize in the hallway rather than the pseudo impression I now have of the Honors Suite.
Third, I am seriously thinking of abandoning an officership with PTK. Extra work... need I say more? Again with the disruption of flow. I chose my classes for this semester against the backdrop of not taking more than I can handle, and registering for those classes that would not only benefit my degree, but be entertaining as well. So why ruin it with more work? Do I really need all of that to get into the program of my choice? Do I need to get used to overburdening myself now, when all I really wanted was to finish and move on? Something to think about.
All of these things would greatly impact my home life, which is finally settling into... dare I say it... a nice FLOW. We all know where we are supposed to be and when, and who is going to drive whom to where and when everyone gets home. We know who is to get dinner ready and who is to do the shopping. We have rules for everything and I would be throwing them all into the fire, and throwing my family under the bus in the process. Since we have achieved a nice peace in my house, after all these years of trying, I am not willing to upset that peace for anything. We are all finding our way through the maze that is college and coming out with good grades and our sanity intact. I kinda want to keep it that way.
When did I become SO goal-oriented and SO used to being over-burdened that I was willing to sacrifice my family to keep being that stressed? My family needs me now an more than ever. My sons will only be with me for a couple more years, and if we don't build on our foundation, it's not only possible but likely that we won't be able to maintain our closeness once they are launched. Steve needs my support as much as I need his. The time has come to stop the merry-go-round and to travel in as straight a line as possible so we can have the security we have been looking for and needing for so long.
So... off we go, into the wild blue yonder. I will be turning down lots of opportunities. But it's like Steve and I always say when people try to pressure us into something, "it's not my problem". It's only hard to say that the first time, and I did that today. It will get much easier from this point on. So get ready for a whirlwind of "no's", World! It's a-comin' your way! It's time to enjoy my life and my college experience. Life is too short to be miserable. I'm letting miserable take a rest.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I thought when I joined Phi Theta Kappa and became Most Enhanced Member that I would relax a little and enjoy the limelight. But the thing you don't realize about the limelight is that it is addictive. So I found myself overdoing it once again, over-achiever that I am. The problem with being an over-achiever is that you don't understand why everyone else isn't the same way. So you find yourself frustrated with being the one to take on everything, to do everything, to plan everything, and when someone else doesn't supply what you need to get the job done, it's incredibly frustrating.
Case in point... I had decided (well, some people would say coerced) into joining the Honors Academy at Southwest and was convinced that it would do me and my degree some good if the words "Honors Academy" were on my sheepskin. In order to have that happen, I would have to get five Honors Contracts with my professors, which means a lot of extra work. Now, I've never been one to shy away from extra work if it will benefit me in the long run, but as time went on, I realized what had to happen in order to get all of this done. First of all, I would have to get all this extra work approved through the director of the Honors Academy. That meant it would not be work of my choosing, but something that had to be "approved". Not to my liking.
Second, I would have to have a place to run away and hide so I can do the work required. I had chosen to work in the Honors Suite, but after a disrupting afternoon in there yesterday, I wrote the director to find out what the rules were. He basically told me that if I needed quiet, to go somewhere else, which was a direct contradiction of what I had been told by my PTK advisor. So... I have decided to go back into the hallway and work there again. The problem with working in the hallway is that I am often interrupted by people coming by to say hello. Nothing wrong with that, and I love it when people think highly enough of me to spend their time with me. But it sometimes interrupts my flow. So even though it can be disruptive, I have decided that I will socialize in the hallway rather than the pseudo impression I now have of the Honors Suite.
Third, I am seriously thinking of abandoning an officership with PTK. Extra work... need I say more? Again with the disruption of flow. I chose my classes for this semester against the backdrop of not taking more than I can handle, and registering for those classes that would not only benefit my degree, but be entertaining as well. So why ruin it with more work? Do I really need all of that to get into the program of my choice? Do I need to get used to overburdening myself now, when all I really wanted was to finish and move on? Something to think about.
All of these things would greatly impact my home life, which is finally settling into... dare I say it... a nice FLOW. We all know where we are supposed to be and when, and who is going to drive whom to where and when everyone gets home. We know who is to get dinner ready and who is to do the shopping. We have rules for everything and I would be throwing them all into the fire, and throwing my family under the bus in the process. Since we have achieved a nice peace in my house, after all these years of trying, I am not willing to upset that peace for anything. We are all finding our way through the maze that is college and coming out with good grades and our sanity intact. I kinda want to keep it that way.
When did I become SO goal-oriented and SO used to being over-burdened that I was willing to sacrifice my family to keep being that stressed? My family needs me now an more than ever. My sons will only be with me for a couple more years, and if we don't build on our foundation, it's not only possible but likely that we won't be able to maintain our closeness once they are launched. Steve needs my support as much as I need his. The time has come to stop the merry-go-round and to travel in as straight a line as possible so we can have the security we have been looking for and needing for so long.
So... off we go, into the wild blue yonder. I will be turning down lots of opportunities. But it's like Steve and I always say when people try to pressure us into something, "it's not my problem". It's only hard to say that the first time, and I did that today. It will get much easier from this point on. So get ready for a whirlwind of "no's", World! It's a-comin' your way! It's time to enjoy my life and my college experience. Life is too short to be miserable. I'm letting miserable take a rest.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Problem With Days Off...
The problem with days off is that I never seem to have enough time to do all the things I have planned. There. I said it. I'm a busy lady, but sometimes I just can't get it all done. I woke up this morning knowing that I had a lot to do, but until I put pen to paper, I didn't have a visualization of what I have left to accomplish around the house before summer turns to fall and fall to winter. As I am a notorious list maker (and my family hates it when I make lists of chores), I am keeping my little list in the study until I am finished with my morning writing and reading. But here is a taste of what we have coming up.
1. Scrub rugs. I have several area rugs that have been vacationing in the garage for the summer. I have to put them out on the patio, hose them down, scrub with some antiseptic rug cleaner, and let them dry completely before letting them winter in the house. As we now have wood floors, the preparation for the return of the rugs was done this summer with proper washing and waxing. Now if I can only keep the dogs from using the rugs as their "facilities". *sigh* The challenge of being an animal lover...
2. Thin out the bean plants. I have a garden in the backyard for the first time ever, having had to ignore my husband's protests in favor of "grass". We haven't had grass since before we had dogs. The dogs ran it into mud, and I decided that with food prices the way they are, and with my classwork frying my brain, I needed a garden to help soothe my frazzled nerves. We have many things planted out there, but the plants that seem to be doing the best are the squash, corn, beans, cantalope and radishes. Some of our seeds never came up, so I have fall seeds to plant, which is #3 on my list.
3. Plant fall seeds. See #2. (I hate redundancy.)
4. Fix mouse. No it's not the kind that runs around testing my cat's agility. It's the kind I use for my laptop. The cover came off the USB connector and although I fixed it once, I will give it one more try before pronouncing it dead and having to run out to find the least expensive and most portable mouse for my needs.
5. Paint outside. We have been painting the outside of the house this year, in preparation for us moving out of this area. Now that the move has been delayed yet another three years, I'm not pushing the painting as hard, but it still needs to be done. It should have been done 15 years ago, and the fact that we are getting it done at all is a miracle in my fight against my husband who thinks it's just fine to let the wood rot, thank you very much. So, painting will have to go on this weekend, as will replacing boards on the house and garage, albeit very early in the day.
6. Move sticky plants. I don't know what these things are, but I suspect they are tiny bushes, so I am having them moved from what used to be a grassy side yard to along the fence that we are slowly replacing, one board at a time. See #22. I have seen our fence jumped before by one of our neighborhood thugs, so having some bushes that might deter them is fine by me. I will use what I have before going out and investing money I don't have in things that won't work.
7. Water outside plants. I have the water going on the garden right now, but also have some outside plants that need some water. It seems that if I don't think of it, it doesn't get done. So that will be one of the main chores I will see to today.
8. Water inside plants. Yes, I have those too. Some of them vacationed in the backyard for a while this summer, but I brought some back in to decorate my "little corner" of the study. I need the green to calm my frazzled nerves. See #2.
9. Edit home movies. Last week before classes began, I had Jason put all our old home movies on the external hard drive, converting them from VHS to what I hope will be nice DVD's. This is one of those ongoing things that nobody wants to do, yet I know it has to be done for the sake of posterity. Maybe I will have some time during Thanksgiving for this, or after the semester ends. At any rate, it's not going to happen this weekend. But I may have Jason copy them to the server, just so we have them in case the external hard drive takes a sudden fall. Something to think about...
10. Go for a bike ride. I have made it Steve's responsibility to make sure I get in an hour bike ride on Saturday. Now that I have gym class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I need one more workout per week to progress in my health. Wait... I'm trusting this to my husband? What was I thinking??? I'll have to make sure I remind him to take care of me.
11. Take pictures at the cemetery. Steve and I are volunteers for www.findagrave.com and haven't been out there since Memorial Day, and the requests are overflowing in my inbox. This weekend will be a nice time to do it, as long as we do it early in the day. If you haven't seen findagrave yet, let me tell you that it is a wonderful service that we do for people who can't get to their loved ones' resting place to pay their respects. We take requests, and I have made several of my own. We will also create a memorial for your loved one if they have been cremated and scattered, as my parents were. It's something to mark their place in time... to say that they were here. I think it's a nice thing to do.
12. Classwork! Oh my heavens... I have a ton of it to do, and I will get started just as soon as I'm finished writing. I'm procrastinating. Did I mention how I hate procrastination???
13. Put down the threshold. We had to take up part of the wood floor this summer when we found some molding going on. The boards have been replaced, but the threshold between the kitchen and laundry room has yet to be put back in place. I don't like it when things look unfinished.
14. Scrub poop area in study. Yes, my wonderful girl dogs have staked out a spot in my study to use the "facilities" whenever I am not around. You'd think it would be easier to let me know they want to go out instead of being yelled at. But I guess since they know WE go inside, they want to as well. I have to figure this one out yet.
15. Work on insulating the gym. As anyone who has read my blogs about the gym knows, I love my gym. We have put up a ceiling, installed an air conditioner, have heaters for winter, put down a rubber floor, and insulated the garage door. I have one wall that still needs insulating. I have the materials for it, but it just hasn't been done. Maybe I should move this up on the list, since winter will be here before I notice and I will be freezing out there once again.
16. Fix afghan. When Rocky was a puppy, she would jump up on my bed whenever I wasn't around and take to chewing on the afghan I made to keep me warm during the winter. She has unraveled part of it, and even though I have fixed it once already, it needs a little more care. Maybe I can get to that one of the evenings this weekend.
17. Put down quarter-round. This is not necessarily MY chore, but one that still needs doing since we put down the wood floor. It's ongoing, as quarter-round costs money and we don't have any. This will take some thought...
18. Give myself a pedicure! I meant to do this over last Thanksgiving, but never got around to it. Oh well. I'm always last on my list.
19. Get a haircut. Last on my list. See #18.
20. Get fabric for outside swing. We have a swing in our backyard that desperately needs a new cover and cushion. But since I don't have any money, this one will take some thought too. I can sew it, but I need money for the marine fabric. Maybe I can get it for Christmas, if we HAVE a Christmas this year. See money comment on #17. More thought...
21. Refinance the house!!! This is a big one, but am waiting on the husband to get his questions answered while the rest of us suffer due to his procrastination. See #12 and #17.
22. Replace boards on the fence. We are doing this a little at a time while we wait for the Titanic to roll up our front lawn. See #6 and #17. The wind storm of 1996 chewed up our boards pretty bad, and when Tucker was around, he would make short work of punching himself through the boards that were slightly cracked. I wish this one were going a little faster. I am so tired of seeing an uneven fence.
Is that enough for this weekend, or do you think I should just pack it in and give up? Ugh... I hate to even think about it, but I have to put all this aside while I do my classwork. Maybe one of my sons will be kind and do one of the chores for me while I study. Maybe not.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
1. Scrub rugs. I have several area rugs that have been vacationing in the garage for the summer. I have to put them out on the patio, hose them down, scrub with some antiseptic rug cleaner, and let them dry completely before letting them winter in the house. As we now have wood floors, the preparation for the return of the rugs was done this summer with proper washing and waxing. Now if I can only keep the dogs from using the rugs as their "facilities". *sigh* The challenge of being an animal lover...
2. Thin out the bean plants. I have a garden in the backyard for the first time ever, having had to ignore my husband's protests in favor of "grass". We haven't had grass since before we had dogs. The dogs ran it into mud, and I decided that with food prices the way they are, and with my classwork frying my brain, I needed a garden to help soothe my frazzled nerves. We have many things planted out there, but the plants that seem to be doing the best are the squash, corn, beans, cantalope and radishes. Some of our seeds never came up, so I have fall seeds to plant, which is #3 on my list.
3. Plant fall seeds. See #2. (I hate redundancy.)
4. Fix mouse. No it's not the kind that runs around testing my cat's agility. It's the kind I use for my laptop. The cover came off the USB connector and although I fixed it once, I will give it one more try before pronouncing it dead and having to run out to find the least expensive and most portable mouse for my needs.
5. Paint outside. We have been painting the outside of the house this year, in preparation for us moving out of this area. Now that the move has been delayed yet another three years, I'm not pushing the painting as hard, but it still needs to be done. It should have been done 15 years ago, and the fact that we are getting it done at all is a miracle in my fight against my husband who thinks it's just fine to let the wood rot, thank you very much. So, painting will have to go on this weekend, as will replacing boards on the house and garage, albeit very early in the day.
6. Move sticky plants. I don't know what these things are, but I suspect they are tiny bushes, so I am having them moved from what used to be a grassy side yard to along the fence that we are slowly replacing, one board at a time. See #22. I have seen our fence jumped before by one of our neighborhood thugs, so having some bushes that might deter them is fine by me. I will use what I have before going out and investing money I don't have in things that won't work.
7. Water outside plants. I have the water going on the garden right now, but also have some outside plants that need some water. It seems that if I don't think of it, it doesn't get done. So that will be one of the main chores I will see to today.
8. Water inside plants. Yes, I have those too. Some of them vacationed in the backyard for a while this summer, but I brought some back in to decorate my "little corner" of the study. I need the green to calm my frazzled nerves. See #2.
9. Edit home movies. Last week before classes began, I had Jason put all our old home movies on the external hard drive, converting them from VHS to what I hope will be nice DVD's. This is one of those ongoing things that nobody wants to do, yet I know it has to be done for the sake of posterity. Maybe I will have some time during Thanksgiving for this, or after the semester ends. At any rate, it's not going to happen this weekend. But I may have Jason copy them to the server, just so we have them in case the external hard drive takes a sudden fall. Something to think about...
10. Go for a bike ride. I have made it Steve's responsibility to make sure I get in an hour bike ride on Saturday. Now that I have gym class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I need one more workout per week to progress in my health. Wait... I'm trusting this to my husband? What was I thinking??? I'll have to make sure I remind him to take care of me.
11. Take pictures at the cemetery. Steve and I are volunteers for www.findagrave.com and haven't been out there since Memorial Day, and the requests are overflowing in my inbox. This weekend will be a nice time to do it, as long as we do it early in the day. If you haven't seen findagrave yet, let me tell you that it is a wonderful service that we do for people who can't get to their loved ones' resting place to pay their respects. We take requests, and I have made several of my own. We will also create a memorial for your loved one if they have been cremated and scattered, as my parents were. It's something to mark their place in time... to say that they were here. I think it's a nice thing to do.
12. Classwork! Oh my heavens... I have a ton of it to do, and I will get started just as soon as I'm finished writing. I'm procrastinating. Did I mention how I hate procrastination???
13. Put down the threshold. We had to take up part of the wood floor this summer when we found some molding going on. The boards have been replaced, but the threshold between the kitchen and laundry room has yet to be put back in place. I don't like it when things look unfinished.
14. Scrub poop area in study. Yes, my wonderful girl dogs have staked out a spot in my study to use the "facilities" whenever I am not around. You'd think it would be easier to let me know they want to go out instead of being yelled at. But I guess since they know WE go inside, they want to as well. I have to figure this one out yet.
15. Work on insulating the gym. As anyone who has read my blogs about the gym knows, I love my gym. We have put up a ceiling, installed an air conditioner, have heaters for winter, put down a rubber floor, and insulated the garage door. I have one wall that still needs insulating. I have the materials for it, but it just hasn't been done. Maybe I should move this up on the list, since winter will be here before I notice and I will be freezing out there once again.
16. Fix afghan. When Rocky was a puppy, she would jump up on my bed whenever I wasn't around and take to chewing on the afghan I made to keep me warm during the winter. She has unraveled part of it, and even though I have fixed it once already, it needs a little more care. Maybe I can get to that one of the evenings this weekend.
17. Put down quarter-round. This is not necessarily MY chore, but one that still needs doing since we put down the wood floor. It's ongoing, as quarter-round costs money and we don't have any. This will take some thought...
18. Give myself a pedicure! I meant to do this over last Thanksgiving, but never got around to it. Oh well. I'm always last on my list.
19. Get a haircut. Last on my list. See #18.
20. Get fabric for outside swing. We have a swing in our backyard that desperately needs a new cover and cushion. But since I don't have any money, this one will take some thought too. I can sew it, but I need money for the marine fabric. Maybe I can get it for Christmas, if we HAVE a Christmas this year. See money comment on #17. More thought...
21. Refinance the house!!! This is a big one, but am waiting on the husband to get his questions answered while the rest of us suffer due to his procrastination. See #12 and #17.
22. Replace boards on the fence. We are doing this a little at a time while we wait for the Titanic to roll up our front lawn. See #6 and #17. The wind storm of 1996 chewed up our boards pretty bad, and when Tucker was around, he would make short work of punching himself through the boards that were slightly cracked. I wish this one were going a little faster. I am so tired of seeing an uneven fence.
Is that enough for this weekend, or do you think I should just pack it in and give up? Ugh... I hate to even think about it, but I have to put all this aside while I do my classwork. Maybe one of my sons will be kind and do one of the chores for me while I study. Maybe not.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The View from Within
Today I finished up my first week of my sophomore year at Southwest. There is so much to be said for going this far and not backing out. It takes determination and a little bit of insanity to do this at my age. But I am having fun as well as learning, and this will serve me the rest of my life. Let me tell you about the things I learned today.
In my first class, I learned that I am no longer 20 years old. Nor am I 30. Nor 40. Okay, let's face it. I'm not 50 either. My first class was a real eye opener. For the very first time since 1973, I had gym class. This isn't your average, touch-your-toes class. This is a real doggone aerobics, strength and flexibility class that the powers that be are hiding under the moniker of "physical conditioning". We have a textbook and will have to do discussion postings, but we are also required to do the hour-long, no-stop, run-till-you-drop symphony of walking, running, and otherwise torturous activities all directed with great enthusiasm by my stick-thin instructor. I think I hate thin people. I wonder if I was ever meant to BE one. This class will tell me. Although the class is required for my degree, I want this to be a turning point in my life, where physical activity is the norm. Next semester, I will take another physical education class and build on what happens this semester. After that, I will be at U.T. and have access to their excellent facilities, which I will make great use of between classes.
Next on my schedule today was Film. We watched an excellent silent film from 1927 entitled "Sunrise: A Story of Two Humans", and I realized that I had forgotten how great the old silents are. Every aspect of the film had to be thought out well in advance to send the exact message the director wanted to be seen. Every moment, every emotion, every camera angle, every lighting cue... all of it... was intended to evoke a specific emotion from the audience. I can't wait to write my journal on this film and to rent the movie for my family to enjoy. My son, Rhys, took this same film class last year and we will have much to talk about.
Last on my schedule today was my Contemporary American Literature class, and I realized how much I don't know about one of my favorite mediums: Literature. It is not uncommon for me to read before going to bed for the night. I find that it relaxes me and sets my brain up for a restful night. My professor in this class is extremely passionate about his work, and it shows. I can look forward to learning much from him, not just about literature, but how to structure and perfect my own writing.
Those three classes were not my only lessons this week. I also had a Microbiology class, which is making me into a germophobe, or at least more aware of the dangers to our human condition and the reasonable precautions that must be taken to ward off disease. And my final lesson this week was American History. Now, I LOVE American History, but this professor lives up to his wonderful reviews and is making me love it even more.
I can't wait to see how the rest of this semester plays out. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am SO excited to see it all happen!
So... what was YOUR week like?
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
In my first class, I learned that I am no longer 20 years old. Nor am I 30. Nor 40. Okay, let's face it. I'm not 50 either. My first class was a real eye opener. For the very first time since 1973, I had gym class. This isn't your average, touch-your-toes class. This is a real doggone aerobics, strength and flexibility class that the powers that be are hiding under the moniker of "physical conditioning". We have a textbook and will have to do discussion postings, but we are also required to do the hour-long, no-stop, run-till-you-drop symphony of walking, running, and otherwise torturous activities all directed with great enthusiasm by my stick-thin instructor. I think I hate thin people. I wonder if I was ever meant to BE one. This class will tell me. Although the class is required for my degree, I want this to be a turning point in my life, where physical activity is the norm. Next semester, I will take another physical education class and build on what happens this semester. After that, I will be at U.T. and have access to their excellent facilities, which I will make great use of between classes.
Next on my schedule today was Film. We watched an excellent silent film from 1927 entitled "Sunrise: A Story of Two Humans", and I realized that I had forgotten how great the old silents are. Every aspect of the film had to be thought out well in advance to send the exact message the director wanted to be seen. Every moment, every emotion, every camera angle, every lighting cue... all of it... was intended to evoke a specific emotion from the audience. I can't wait to write my journal on this film and to rent the movie for my family to enjoy. My son, Rhys, took this same film class last year and we will have much to talk about.
Last on my schedule today was my Contemporary American Literature class, and I realized how much I don't know about one of my favorite mediums: Literature. It is not uncommon for me to read before going to bed for the night. I find that it relaxes me and sets my brain up for a restful night. My professor in this class is extremely passionate about his work, and it shows. I can look forward to learning much from him, not just about literature, but how to structure and perfect my own writing.
Those three classes were not my only lessons this week. I also had a Microbiology class, which is making me into a germophobe, or at least more aware of the dangers to our human condition and the reasonable precautions that must be taken to ward off disease. And my final lesson this week was American History. Now, I LOVE American History, but this professor lives up to his wonderful reviews and is making me love it even more.
I can't wait to see how the rest of this semester plays out. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am SO excited to see it all happen!
So... what was YOUR week like?
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Starting Anew - How Sophomoric!
Tomorrow is a milestone for me. It marks the first day of my sophomore year at college. I didn't think I'd make it through the first year, and here I am at the second. So much has happened in the last year; I thought I'd take a few minutes to jot some things down before the bustle begins.
I am ready for the new year to begin, having been "bored" at home (for lack of a better word) for the past two weeks between semesters. I guess bored doesn't really describe it. I've been busy catching up on things that need doing around the house, making a nook for myself to study in, washing and waxing floors, getting more painting done outside, to name a few. It's been hard to get even these few things done, feeling like I have to fight to get anything done around here, and making the most of what I have in the meantime. But I feel like the house is as ready as it's going to be, and I feel more prepared for class this semester than I have in the past. The only thing I lack right now is my green ledger paper to keep track of my grades, but that's something easily remedied. I am going into this year with what I can only describe as a determined focus, with clear goals in mind and all the steps on the path to my goals like a staircase; some goals can be reached by skipping a few steps, but others have a steep climb and can only be reached through some really hard work.
Before I begin class tomorrow, I reflect on the past year. I have lost several very important things; Shelby, Gidget, Tucker and Sophie. Those little souls brought me such joy, and they will continue to inspire me to give all that I have and not hold anything back. I lost my sister-in-law Norma, whose strength as she battled ovarian cancer I use as my inspiration for never giving up. I lost my indifference to other people, which is a wonderful loss. In that, I gave up letting my neighbor put his trash on our lawn, letting our house go to pot, and living with clutter. Those things have no place in my life and are now gone. I lost letting other people walk all over me and will not allow it. I may not have much, but I have my self-respect, and that will effect all the aspects of my life and those in my household.
What have I gained... the friendships of those I thought I would never hear from again (thank you, Chris, Alice, Shelly, Cindee, Ros, and others for remembering me with fondness and respect) and who have changed my life for the better. I have gained a new respect for volunteer work, as Steve and I are now volunteers for findagrave.com, for the Memphis National Cemetery. I have fought for and regained my zest for the simple life, having planted a garden this year and planning the repairs and improvements needed in our house and yard. I have gained a new freedom, in selling my web business to my sons, and getting that gorilla off my back once and for all. In the process, Jason is getting experience in leading others, Rhys is getting experience as a web developer, and I can be free to go back to being a supportive wife and mother, and promising masters student. My focus is now clear and I can move forward without reservation.
I have one more year at Southwest Tennessee Community College, but have already taken my entrance exam for the University of Tennessee Health Sciences Masters Program for fall of 2012. I have my letters of recommendation which, I might add, are all stellar and something for me to strive to live up to. I have a 4.0 GPA going into this year, having made Deans List every semester, and was named most enhanced member of Phi Theta Kappa. I took a Leadership course along with my other four classes this summer and came out on top in all. I have my schedule set for this semester and the plan I have in place will work for me, not against me. I will be spending all day on campus from Monday through Thursday... ONE campus, not THREE! The times in between classes will be spent working in the library on papers and assignments and my trusty laptop will make the daily trip with me, along with my jump drives, SD converter card and Droid phone. I am so plugged in, I wonder how we ever lived without it all. I wonder, for example, what Dzia Dzia would have thought of everyone carrying a phone around with them all the time, with texting and internet usage being the order of the day. I'm sure he'd think we were all crazy, and then he'd go off in his fishing boat with his outboard motor rumbling away.
So what are my plans after college? I have several options open right now, and none are set. My family definitely wants to move north and get away from the swamp air down here. Places like Arizona are completely out, due to dust storms and valley fever. It's too bad, because I have several friends in the Phoenix area that I would love to see again. So the options at this point are... Chicago, Minneapolis or Northern California (maybe). Still not sure about Northern California. But nothing further south, by any means. The center of the country is what I know and what I'm comfortable with, so for now, that is what I have in mind. My husband will retire and become the fishing bum I know is hiding in him somewhere. He says he might take a little job somewhere, which is fine, if it makes him happy. But I want him to relax and not worry about "having" to work at a job. He's had enough worry and it's going to be time to stop it all. I'll be fine, working in a profession that I will enjoy and be rewarded both spiritually and monetarily. The boys will be out of school and hopefully launched successfully. I will be in a climate I love and a beautiful area of the country. Win-win-win-win.
So here I go... into the void tomorrow. I hope that two semesters of English Composition didn't ruin my style of writing, but gave me the knowledge to complete all the papers I know I will have to write. I hope that Oral Communication didn't ruin my extemporaneous style of public speaking and instead gave me a foundation to make my speeches better. I know that A&P, Physics, Stats and Pre-Calculus gave me valuable information that I have already called upon for my entrance exam, and will serve me in my sought profession. And I know that Psychology taught me that everyone has their idiosyncracies, and to stay the heck away from them! Ha ha!
Appreciate every day, those that you love and love you back.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
I am ready for the new year to begin, having been "bored" at home (for lack of a better word) for the past two weeks between semesters. I guess bored doesn't really describe it. I've been busy catching up on things that need doing around the house, making a nook for myself to study in, washing and waxing floors, getting more painting done outside, to name a few. It's been hard to get even these few things done, feeling like I have to fight to get anything done around here, and making the most of what I have in the meantime. But I feel like the house is as ready as it's going to be, and I feel more prepared for class this semester than I have in the past. The only thing I lack right now is my green ledger paper to keep track of my grades, but that's something easily remedied. I am going into this year with what I can only describe as a determined focus, with clear goals in mind and all the steps on the path to my goals like a staircase; some goals can be reached by skipping a few steps, but others have a steep climb and can only be reached through some really hard work.
Before I begin class tomorrow, I reflect on the past year. I have lost several very important things; Shelby, Gidget, Tucker and Sophie. Those little souls brought me such joy, and they will continue to inspire me to give all that I have and not hold anything back. I lost my sister-in-law Norma, whose strength as she battled ovarian cancer I use as my inspiration for never giving up. I lost my indifference to other people, which is a wonderful loss. In that, I gave up letting my neighbor put his trash on our lawn, letting our house go to pot, and living with clutter. Those things have no place in my life and are now gone. I lost letting other people walk all over me and will not allow it. I may not have much, but I have my self-respect, and that will effect all the aspects of my life and those in my household.
What have I gained... the friendships of those I thought I would never hear from again (thank you, Chris, Alice, Shelly, Cindee, Ros, and others for remembering me with fondness and respect) and who have changed my life for the better. I have gained a new respect for volunteer work, as Steve and I are now volunteers for findagrave.com, for the Memphis National Cemetery. I have fought for and regained my zest for the simple life, having planted a garden this year and planning the repairs and improvements needed in our house and yard. I have gained a new freedom, in selling my web business to my sons, and getting that gorilla off my back once and for all. In the process, Jason is getting experience in leading others, Rhys is getting experience as a web developer, and I can be free to go back to being a supportive wife and mother, and promising masters student. My focus is now clear and I can move forward without reservation.
I have one more year at Southwest Tennessee Community College, but have already taken my entrance exam for the University of Tennessee Health Sciences Masters Program for fall of 2012. I have my letters of recommendation which, I might add, are all stellar and something for me to strive to live up to. I have a 4.0 GPA going into this year, having made Deans List every semester, and was named most enhanced member of Phi Theta Kappa. I took a Leadership course along with my other four classes this summer and came out on top in all. I have my schedule set for this semester and the plan I have in place will work for me, not against me. I will be spending all day on campus from Monday through Thursday... ONE campus, not THREE! The times in between classes will be spent working in the library on papers and assignments and my trusty laptop will make the daily trip with me, along with my jump drives, SD converter card and Droid phone. I am so plugged in, I wonder how we ever lived without it all. I wonder, for example, what Dzia Dzia would have thought of everyone carrying a phone around with them all the time, with texting and internet usage being the order of the day. I'm sure he'd think we were all crazy, and then he'd go off in his fishing boat with his outboard motor rumbling away.
So what are my plans after college? I have several options open right now, and none are set. My family definitely wants to move north and get away from the swamp air down here. Places like Arizona are completely out, due to dust storms and valley fever. It's too bad, because I have several friends in the Phoenix area that I would love to see again. So the options at this point are... Chicago, Minneapolis or Northern California (maybe). Still not sure about Northern California. But nothing further south, by any means. The center of the country is what I know and what I'm comfortable with, so for now, that is what I have in mind. My husband will retire and become the fishing bum I know is hiding in him somewhere. He says he might take a little job somewhere, which is fine, if it makes him happy. But I want him to relax and not worry about "having" to work at a job. He's had enough worry and it's going to be time to stop it all. I'll be fine, working in a profession that I will enjoy and be rewarded both spiritually and monetarily. The boys will be out of school and hopefully launched successfully. I will be in a climate I love and a beautiful area of the country. Win-win-win-win.
So here I go... into the void tomorrow. I hope that two semesters of English Composition didn't ruin my style of writing, but gave me the knowledge to complete all the papers I know I will have to write. I hope that Oral Communication didn't ruin my extemporaneous style of public speaking and instead gave me a foundation to make my speeches better. I know that A&P, Physics, Stats and Pre-Calculus gave me valuable information that I have already called upon for my entrance exam, and will serve me in my sought profession. And I know that Psychology taught me that everyone has their idiosyncracies, and to stay the heck away from them! Ha ha!
Appreciate every day, those that you love and love you back.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Sunday, July 24, 2011
My Sweet Sophie and a Lesson I Will Never Learn
I guess I will never learn. My sweet darling Sophie left us yesterday after having a fit of severe vomiting and bloody diarrhea for 24 hours. It was like her insides just exploded. She passed peacefully though, wrapped in a warm blanket in my arms, with her family around her, telling her how much we loved her and thanking her for being a part of our lives. She wasn't with us very long, only 7 months. She was born on my birthday last year and we adopted her after Gidget died. She was supposed to help me over Gidget's death. I guess now I know that death is not something you get over. It's something you get past.
Sophie was such a joy... a new soul, obviously, from her lust for life. She ran everywhere. She loved to follow Rocky outside, springing out of the crate every morning and running her heart out. We adopted her from a breeder in Arkansas and drove past Little Rock to get her. Chelsea was in the crate with her, and the breeder gave Chelsea to us as a bonus. The two were fast friends and did everything together.
Where there was one, you'd find the other. She was a love... she loved to snuggle. She would get right up behind my backrest and just snuggle against my back... and she would crawl right next to Steve when he came home from work and sat down in the living room. She love to have her belly rubbed, and she hated baths. She had a very inquisitive look about her and was interested in absolutely everything. Jason would come running through the room (on purpose) and Sophie was in hot pursuit, barking and running after him until he changed direction and ran after her. She loved that game. She didn't let Jason hold her much, but she didn't let me hold her much either. She was funny that way. Snuggling was to be done on HER terms.
We don't know what happened to cause Sophie to get so violently sick and die. We've checked the yard and the house for any telltale signs of poison and have come up empty. I've cried my heart out for her. I miss her so much, I feel like I'll die from heartbreak. I firmly believe that there is a lesson in everything that happens to us. I have screamed out to heaven to tell me what is my lesson in all this. First I lost my brother in April of last year... then my sister in August (Happy Birthday Norma)... then Shelby in October... Gidget 6 days before Christmas... Tucker in February... and now Sophie. This has been a terrible year. In some ways, the year has been good, such as me going back to school and the boys doing so well in school (all expenses paid). But this... this is too much. Steve is having a hard time at work and now with losing Sophie. He loves her as much as I do. We are struggling. I guess every evil thing my siblings wished on me is coming to pass. All I can hope is that there is light at the end of this long dark tunnel. I'm ready to see it end one way or another.
Steve tells me that I have to stop beating myself up for Sophie's death and there was nothing we could do (we suspect it was parvo). Many friends have given me their condolences and one of them cried with me last night (thank you Alice). A very good friend of mine has told me that I'm a good mom (thank you Annie). I just don't feel like a good mom right now. If I were such a good mom, why would my babies keep dying? Steve says they are here because I need to love them and that I need their love in return. I get plenty of it, but it's never enough. Sophie gave me the sweetest kisses (except when she dined in the cat box and kissed me smack on the mouth afterward - YUCK). I still get kisses from Chelsea and Rocky, but my sweet little Sophie is gone. I wish I still had her. I wish I felt like a good mom. I wish so many things that I just can't see through right now. But today I feel like I can't or will never be able to leave this house now that there are 4 of my babies buried in the backyard. I don't know. I just don't know. My heart is broken. Again. I guess my lesson in all of this is to learn to let go. And I will... someday. But I'll never learn not to love an animal... especially one as sweet as my Sophie. I named her after my grandmother, because I know I'll never have a daughter or a granddaughter. Busia, if you're listening, please take care of your namesake for me. I'll see you both on the flipflop.
I love you, Sophie.
Mommy
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Thursday, May 5, 2011
On The Heels of Success
Like Rosanne Rosannadanna said, "It just goes to show you, if it's not one thing, it's another." Today, still glowing from Sunday's laudfest at my Phi Theta Kappa induction, I was jolted back to reality by a phone call from the administrator of the WINs program which gave me a grant for college. Apparently, the WINs program has been abruptly ended, as evidenced by the Huffington Post.
Oh dear. Now what? I was counting on that to complete my degree. Hm. It's funny how Congress cuts your hopes without even a thought about what it means to your family. So... on to Plan B. I wish I knew what Plan B was. My whole future, and that of my family, rides on me finishing school. I still have the Pell Grant, which will help some. But what if it doesn't cover the total cost of tuition and books? Something to think about...
I am still the Most Enhanced Member of Phi Theta Kappa. I still have a 4.0 GPA. I am still a published author. I have the friendship and loyalty of a great many people, some in very influential positions. I still have a brain. But I also still live where there are no jobs without a degree. Hm.
Okay, so keep going. Do whatever you have to do to finish school. That is the most important thing to consider. My health is improving, so keep going. Even today, after that rude awakening, I keep going. I got into the gym and worked harder than I have to date. I am going to keep on keeping on. Take THAT, Congress!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Oh dear. Now what? I was counting on that to complete my degree. Hm. It's funny how Congress cuts your hopes without even a thought about what it means to your family. So... on to Plan B. I wish I knew what Plan B was. My whole future, and that of my family, rides on me finishing school. I still have the Pell Grant, which will help some. But what if it doesn't cover the total cost of tuition and books? Something to think about...
I am still the Most Enhanced Member of Phi Theta Kappa. I still have a 4.0 GPA. I am still a published author. I have the friendship and loyalty of a great many people, some in very influential positions. I still have a brain. But I also still live where there are no jobs without a degree. Hm.
Okay, so keep going. Do whatever you have to do to finish school. That is the most important thing to consider. My health is improving, so keep going. Even today, after that rude awakening, I keep going. I got into the gym and worked harder than I have to date. I am going to keep on keeping on. Take THAT, Congress!
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Letting It Out
Jillian Michaels had a post today that I responded to and realized that I needed to write and let it all out.
Her post was:
Up for a challenge? Look into the mirror & ask yourself what it is that you have always wanted to say or tell someone,but haven't had the courage? Share it here & then speak your heart,be vulnerable,& take a chance by saying it to the person the message is intended for. Could be about love, forgiveness, making amends, expressing your needs... The only way to have greater happiness is by knowing greater vulnerability.
My response to this was:
To my brothers and sisters... you all did the wrong thing when Wayne died and you didn't call me and left me out of his obituary. I am his sister. I was the first born daughter. You all disgust me with your hatred and posturing. You took away my chance to say goodbye to my brother. I intend to be happy and healthy the rest of my life whether you like it or not. I intend to succeed. You can all go to hell.
And then I realized I wasn't finished and wrote this:
One more: Dad, you abused me and pretended like it didn't happen. Mom, you LET it happen. You were in the room when this asshole started abusing me! How DARE you treat me like I was your property. How DARE you treat me like I didn't matter. How DARE you lie about me to everyone else. I continue to succeed despite what you and everyone else has done to me. My accomplishments are MINE, not YOURS! I am succeeding because I REFUSE to be defined by what you did to me. I am ashamed to say that I came from you. You assholes. You unbelievable jerks.
I was a precious child, and I am a beautiful, honest, hardworking woman. I have accomplished more in my life than you will ever know. I have just finished my first year of college at the age of 55. I finished with a 4.0 GPA. I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa, an International Honor Society. More than that, I was HONORED as the Most Enhanced Member at Sunday's (May 1, 2011) induction ceremony. I am a member of the Honors Academy. I won a literary competition and am now a published author. People look to me as a leader, and I will be the President of my chapter of Phi Theta Kappa.
You have no hold on me, any of you. When you CHOSE to abuse me, when you CHOSE to turn your backs on me, when you CHOSE to lie about me, it was YOUR loss, not mine. Your hatred turns against you. What you do to someone else has already been done to you. When you abuse someone, your body reacts. Your body kills itself... sometimes it happens quickly, but sometimes it happens over months or years. The body will not tolerate what you have done because your spirit will not allow it. Look in the mirror and see how what you have done has backfired in your own bodies. I hope you are happy with yourselves.
As for me, I will continue doing what I am doing, and I am finishing college. My husband, sons and I will be moving our family when I am done. We plan on having a beautiful life. I have never taken any help from any of you. I don't need your kind of help. I only permit honest, hardworking people in my life, not those who try to justify their bad behavior on some supposed slight, some sense of entitlement or some righteous indignation. I pity you. You will never feel fulfilled. You will never feel loved. You will never have enough possessions to fill the emptiness in your soul. Come to think of it, I was really blessed by your absence. Thanks.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Her post was:
Up for a challenge? Look into the mirror & ask yourself what it is that you have always wanted to say or tell someone,but haven't had the courage? Share it here & then speak your heart,be vulnerable,& take a chance by saying it to the person the message is intended for. Could be about love, forgiveness, making amends, expressing your needs... The only way to have greater happiness is by knowing greater vulnerability.
My response to this was:
To my brothers and sisters... you all did the wrong thing when Wayne died and you didn't call me and left me out of his obituary. I am his sister. I was the first born daughter. You all disgust me with your hatred and posturing. You took away my chance to say goodbye to my brother. I intend to be happy and healthy the rest of my life whether you like it or not. I intend to succeed. You can all go to hell.
And then I realized I wasn't finished and wrote this:
One more: Dad, you abused me and pretended like it didn't happen. Mom, you LET it happen. You were in the room when this asshole started abusing me! How DARE you treat me like I was your property. How DARE you treat me like I didn't matter. How DARE you lie about me to everyone else. I continue to succeed despite what you and everyone else has done to me. My accomplishments are MINE, not YOURS! I am succeeding because I REFUSE to be defined by what you did to me. I am ashamed to say that I came from you. You assholes. You unbelievable jerks.
I was a precious child, and I am a beautiful, honest, hardworking woman. I have accomplished more in my life than you will ever know. I have just finished my first year of college at the age of 55. I finished with a 4.0 GPA. I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa, an International Honor Society. More than that, I was HONORED as the Most Enhanced Member at Sunday's (May 1, 2011) induction ceremony. I am a member of the Honors Academy. I won a literary competition and am now a published author. People look to me as a leader, and I will be the President of my chapter of Phi Theta Kappa.
You have no hold on me, any of you. When you CHOSE to abuse me, when you CHOSE to turn your backs on me, when you CHOSE to lie about me, it was YOUR loss, not mine. Your hatred turns against you. What you do to someone else has already been done to you. When you abuse someone, your body reacts. Your body kills itself... sometimes it happens quickly, but sometimes it happens over months or years. The body will not tolerate what you have done because your spirit will not allow it. Look in the mirror and see how what you have done has backfired in your own bodies. I hope you are happy with yourselves.
As for me, I will continue doing what I am doing, and I am finishing college. My husband, sons and I will be moving our family when I am done. We plan on having a beautiful life. I have never taken any help from any of you. I don't need your kind of help. I only permit honest, hardworking people in my life, not those who try to justify their bad behavior on some supposed slight, some sense of entitlement or some righteous indignation. I pity you. You will never feel fulfilled. You will never feel loved. You will never have enough possessions to fill the emptiness in your soul. Come to think of it, I was really blessed by your absence. Thanks.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Saturday, April 23, 2011
On Notice: Lynwood Cops
I am putting Lynwood, Illinois cops on notice. I am tired of corruption in their ranks and they just pissed off the wrong Polock. Take a look at the letter I wrote that is going out today. If you are tired with corrupt cops, please send a copy of this letter to the Governor of the State of Illinois and sign your name. I, for one, have HAD it and I think this will have to make its way to the Chicago Tribune as well.
April 22, 2011
Russell Pearson
Chief of Police
Village of Lynwood
21460 Lincoln Highway
Lynwood, IL 60411
Dear Mr. Pearson:
It is with great regret that I find myself writing you today concerning an incident between one of your officers and my cousin, Robert Pluskota. My cousin was unjustly treated and I would like this situation to be rectified. This letter will refer to this officer as “Officer Nobody” since my cousin did not receive a copy of the ticket for the alleged offense.
On April 14, 2011 at around 11:00 a.m., “Bob” was coming home from cashing his income tax refund when he was stopped outside his own home by Officer Nobody for an expired tag on his vehicle. Upon closer examination, it was found that the tag was not expired and Officer Nobody admitted that the stop was a mistake. The issue should have ended right there, but it didn’t. Officer Nobody claimed that Bob did not use a turn signal when turning into the drive of his own complex and that Bob had an obstruction in his line of vision. Let me address these one at a time.
• Firstly, since Officer Nobody admitted there was a mistake in his original reason for pulling Bob over, the issue should have been dropped. Has Officer Nobody never made a mistake and admitted to it? If not, then he is the first person in history never to make a mistake and we should be lauding his accomplishments.
• Secondly, I know for a fact that Bob knew he was being stalked by Officer Nobody and purposely made certain to follow all driving laws. Does Officer Nobody have nothing better to do than to stalk citizens on their way home from cashing a check? Did he think he should get a cut of it?
• Thirdly, Bob had a crucifix hanging from his rear view mirror. I would like to know since when is a crucifix an impediment to vision unless it is a foot in diameter right in front of the driver? Does Officer Nobody have something against faith, religious freedom or the Catholic Church?
• Fourthly, it is apparent to me that Officer Nobody stopped Bob for no good reason and then proceeded to make it worse by his bogus claims and subsequent arrest of my cousin. Why did he not receive a copy of the ticket if he was stopped for an offense he supposedly committed?
• Fifthly, Officer Nobody showed no respect to my aunt and uncle when they came out of their home to talk to this “peace officer”. He was abusive in language, tone and action. My aunt and uncle are well into their 60’s and are no threat to anyone, especially an overzealous cop anxious to make a name for himself.
You may think that my judgment is biased, and you would be correct in that assumption. I know for a fact everything that Bob Pluskota has done to get his life on track after being derailed in the first third of his life. Bob has been sober for over two years, is a good father and contributing member of society. He has made tremendous progress and now with the callous and harassing actions of your subordinate, he has been set back at least a year if not forever. His arrest could cost him his job and that is not something that anyone can afford to lose these days. Would it have been so wrong for Officer Nobody to turn around and leave after admitting his mistake in pulling Bob over? No, it would have been the right thing to do.
Exactly why was Officer Nobody stalking Bob Pluskota in the first place when there are so many other pressing issues in Lynwood? I know well the issues that Lynwood is facing with gang violence and corruption since the close of the projects in Chicago. My family hails from there and I make it a point to keep my finger on the pulse of current events.
You may wonder why I am concerned with this event if I live so far away. The answer is simple. I am against all injustice, both from citizens and from those who are sworn to “protect and serve”. The citizens pay Officer Nobody’s salary, a fact he would do well to remember. He is not entitled to harass citizens for offenses they did not commit. If Bob had violated the law for which he was stopped, this letter would not have been necessary. But he did not. Let it go and expunge this from his record. I look forward to reading your response.
Very truly yours,
Lynn Reichard
6369 Thornfield
Memphis, TN 38134
901-485-4898
Crystal.reichard@yahoo.com
Cc: Eugene Williams, Mayor of Lynwood
Village of Lynwood
21460 Lincoln Highway
Lynwood, IL 60411
Pat Quinn
Governor of the State of Illinois
Office of the Governor
James R. Thompson Center
100 W. Randolph, 16-100
Chicago, IL 60601
Office of the Governor
207 State House
Springfield, IL 62706
April 22, 2011
Russell Pearson
Chief of Police
Village of Lynwood
21460 Lincoln Highway
Lynwood, IL 60411
Dear Mr. Pearson:
It is with great regret that I find myself writing you today concerning an incident between one of your officers and my cousin, Robert Pluskota. My cousin was unjustly treated and I would like this situation to be rectified. This letter will refer to this officer as “Officer Nobody” since my cousin did not receive a copy of the ticket for the alleged offense.
On April 14, 2011 at around 11:00 a.m., “Bob” was coming home from cashing his income tax refund when he was stopped outside his own home by Officer Nobody for an expired tag on his vehicle. Upon closer examination, it was found that the tag was not expired and Officer Nobody admitted that the stop was a mistake. The issue should have ended right there, but it didn’t. Officer Nobody claimed that Bob did not use a turn signal when turning into the drive of his own complex and that Bob had an obstruction in his line of vision. Let me address these one at a time.
• Firstly, since Officer Nobody admitted there was a mistake in his original reason for pulling Bob over, the issue should have been dropped. Has Officer Nobody never made a mistake and admitted to it? If not, then he is the first person in history never to make a mistake and we should be lauding his accomplishments.
• Secondly, I know for a fact that Bob knew he was being stalked by Officer Nobody and purposely made certain to follow all driving laws. Does Officer Nobody have nothing better to do than to stalk citizens on their way home from cashing a check? Did he think he should get a cut of it?
• Thirdly, Bob had a crucifix hanging from his rear view mirror. I would like to know since when is a crucifix an impediment to vision unless it is a foot in diameter right in front of the driver? Does Officer Nobody have something against faith, religious freedom or the Catholic Church?
• Fourthly, it is apparent to me that Officer Nobody stopped Bob for no good reason and then proceeded to make it worse by his bogus claims and subsequent arrest of my cousin. Why did he not receive a copy of the ticket if he was stopped for an offense he supposedly committed?
• Fifthly, Officer Nobody showed no respect to my aunt and uncle when they came out of their home to talk to this “peace officer”. He was abusive in language, tone and action. My aunt and uncle are well into their 60’s and are no threat to anyone, especially an overzealous cop anxious to make a name for himself.
You may think that my judgment is biased, and you would be correct in that assumption. I know for a fact everything that Bob Pluskota has done to get his life on track after being derailed in the first third of his life. Bob has been sober for over two years, is a good father and contributing member of society. He has made tremendous progress and now with the callous and harassing actions of your subordinate, he has been set back at least a year if not forever. His arrest could cost him his job and that is not something that anyone can afford to lose these days. Would it have been so wrong for Officer Nobody to turn around and leave after admitting his mistake in pulling Bob over? No, it would have been the right thing to do.
Exactly why was Officer Nobody stalking Bob Pluskota in the first place when there are so many other pressing issues in Lynwood? I know well the issues that Lynwood is facing with gang violence and corruption since the close of the projects in Chicago. My family hails from there and I make it a point to keep my finger on the pulse of current events.
You may wonder why I am concerned with this event if I live so far away. The answer is simple. I am against all injustice, both from citizens and from those who are sworn to “protect and serve”. The citizens pay Officer Nobody’s salary, a fact he would do well to remember. He is not entitled to harass citizens for offenses they did not commit. If Bob had violated the law for which he was stopped, this letter would not have been necessary. But he did not. Let it go and expunge this from his record. I look forward to reading your response.
Very truly yours,
Lynn Reichard
6369 Thornfield
Memphis, TN 38134
901-485-4898
Crystal.reichard@yahoo.com
Cc: Eugene Williams, Mayor of Lynwood
Village of Lynwood
21460 Lincoln Highway
Lynwood, IL 60411
Pat Quinn
Governor of the State of Illinois
Office of the Governor
James R. Thompson Center
100 W. Randolph, 16-100
Chicago, IL 60601
Office of the Governor
207 State House
Springfield, IL 62706
Monday, February 28, 2011
A Tribute to Tennessee Tucker Blue, our "Tucker Bug"
It seems that lately the only posts I have been doing have been about the loss of a dear friend, and today's post is no different. Yesterday we lost our beloved Tucker.
Tucker's full name was Tennessee Tucker Blue. He was a full-blooded bluetick coonhound with seven generations of purple champions in his bloodline. Seven documented generations, that is. He came to us in July of 2002, after we lost our black and tan coonhound, Rebel. Our family was still aching from the loss of Rebel when I saw an ad in the paper for bluetick coonhound puppies. Steve had always wanted a full-blooded bluetick, so off we went to see these puppies.
There were three of them left. We saw both the momma and daddy, and they were beautiful. The puppies were running around in a pen with the momma. Tucker was the only boy and was the runt of the litter. We picked him up, and Jason promptly dropped him on his head. Actually, that's not accurate. Tucker squirmed and got out of Jason's arms, but we like to say that Tucker was stupid because he was dropped on his head. Tucker took the ride home in Jason's lap. Although Tucker was registered to Steve, he was definitely Jason's dog. Jason needed a friend, and Tucker needed a family. It was a perfect fit.
Tucker was a handful as a puppy, as most puppies are, but we were used to Rebel, who would come when called, had grown out of the chewing stage, and would stay in the front yard with us when we were outside. Not so with Tucker. Tucker chewed everything that didn't chew him first. He made toothpicks out of our furniture and it was an adventure to wake up every morning to see what destruction he wrought throughout the night. There was newspaper scattered everywhere... chewed up into little bitty pieces. I don't know what the fascination was with newspaper, but it carried over for any paper we had... tissues, toilet paper, mail, and whatever we had on the table. The possibilities for the destruction he wrought were endless.
We tried taking him to the park a few times. Rebel had loved the park, and we thought Tucker would too. He did... but with that pure bloodline of his, his instincts for hunting were so strong that once let off the leash, if he caught the scent of something, off he went, with us running after him. He probably would have kept on running and never looked back if we hadn't caught up with him. So the park was out for him. That was too bad, because that was our Saturday mornings with Rebel and we looked forward to having another dog that we could let run.
As he grew out of the puppy stage, we trained him to a leash. And boy, did he love to go for his walks. He grew too strong for me to handle, and Jason was usually the one to take charge of him. He would get so excited when he saw the leash, and would tug hard to just go! Once out the door, he would go and go... and think "Boy, this is great... oh wait... I gotta take a dump." And dump he did. Everywhere. You could always tell Tucker's dump. It looked like a mountain lion had been on our street. It grew to be embarrassing take him around the block because you could tell Tucker's dump, and it lasted a long time. He especially loved his walks in the snow. The last snow we had was a few weeks ago, and Tucker loved to run around in it. We would skid and slide, all the while having the time of his life. We loved him for it.
The 4th of July and New Year's Eve were a special time for Tucker. He loved bottle rockets and would run circles around them and try to catch them. I think he might have gotten singed by one once, but that didn't damper his enthusiasm for them. He barked and ran around and around. We took a video that showed how crazy he was during those times. We laughed at him, but we loved him all the same.
Tucker's backyard was his world to him. Safe within its confines, he could run and chase squirrels up a tree. The problem was that he would see a squirrel run up into a tree, and for three days afterward, that was where he would first run to when we let him outside. He would look for that darned squirrel and bark his fool head off. After the three days, we would chide him for it and he would finally realize that the squirrel had long since gone. He was stupid that way, but we loved him for it.
There were times when Tucker would get out of the backyard. He grew to be so strong, he would break the boards in the fence. Jason had a tough time keeping up with the broken boards sometimes. And when Tucker couldn't break them, he would dig out. Once he got stuck in the fence and we knew there was something wrong when we heard a loud crack and a howl. We went out to find him stuck halfway in and halfway out of the yard. We called him stupid a lot... but we loved him anyway.
Tucker was the only dog in our house until Gizmo wandered up the driveway one day and decided to stay. Tucker had a new toy! He would play with Giz and put him down on the ground with one push of his paw. He never hurt Gizmo, but sometimes when he was jealous, he would stick his big nose under Gizmo's butt and lift him off the ground. Tucker was especially jealous when Gizmo got a bath and he didn't. He "sludged" him until he was dirty. "Sludging" was how Tucker licked us. He didn't give nice clean kisses, but sludges. I don't know how many times I had to change clothes because I was obviously sludged by Tucker. I would get irritated by it, but I knew that he loved me and the feeling was mutual.
When Tucker was 6 years old, he still thought he was a puppy, until Rocky came along. Rocky found Tucker to be a great playmate, and Tucker quickly found out he was no longer a puppy. Rocky would grab hold of his neck and not let go. Round and round they would go in the backyard, and they got into lots of trouble together. The two were famous friends and loved to play. Rocky would instigate him into doing things he would normally not do. I don't think Tucker knew he was doing something wrong until I would come into the dining room and find both of them on the floor, chewing the heads off my Christmas tree angels. I wish I had a video of it. I found him with an angel between his paws, chewing once, twice, and then stopped with the angel in his mouth and looked up at me. Busted! It wasn't the last time the two would do something like that. I was angry at the time, but it makes for a funny memory and I love him for it.
Tucker had the most beautiful howl I had ever heard. And the most annoying when he got going and wouldn't stop. But we knew that as long as Tucker was around, he would let nothing and no one into the backyard or the house. He was fierce about protecting his home, and woe to anyone who came to the front door. They had to contend with Tucker at the window, and we couldn't open the door, because he wanted to make sure we were protected. He never bit anyone that I know of, but just the same, this was HIS house and he was going to rule it. No one ever came inside. I felt safe with Tucker here and loved him for it.
We were greeted every morning by Tucker's trademark "Roo", telling us "Good Morning! Time to go out! Time to eat! Time to play!" I remember one day when I was just coming home and heard him rooing at me outside the door. I said "Tucker!" and he went "ruh". It was so funny, but so characteristic of him to recognize my voice. As he started to get older, Tucker loved to sleep on Jason's bed. At first, Jason would kick him off. But after a while, he just let him sleep there, unhindered by the little ones who loved to jump on him. He loved Jason's bed, and he loved the loveseat in the living room with his afghan on it. We didn't mind him sleeping there. He'd earned it.
Mealtime for Tucker consisted of eating everything we gave him and everything he could get from the other dogs. It's safe to say that he ate about three cans of dog food daily, and all the kibble he could get. He was a tank. He grew to be the strongest dog I'd ever had. Not bad for the runt of the litter. But Tucker started to slow down in the last year, and it he was about to take a turn that none of us expected.
One morning we awoke to hear Tucker crying out in pain. We ran out of our bedrooms to see him lying on the padded bed in the hallway, trying to get up, but in obvious pain. We helped him up and got him outside. Over the next few days, the strength in his hind legs gave out, not strong enough to hold his 72 pounds. We took him to the vet and was told that he had a ruptured disk and had to be put down or have $3000 surgery. I didn't believe it and we took him home with steroids. The steroids worked for the first few days and then he got worse. I took him back in to the vet, who put him on massive painkillers and steroids. He wanted to keep Tucker for a few days. I slept peacefully that night, knowing that Tucker was in good hands. Or so I thought.
I made a surprise visit the next day to find Tucker in the worst possible conditions. He had been heavily sedated (of which I didn't approve) and in a cement cell with only a small blanket for warmth. They had not given him our clothes, his pillow, his blanket or his ball for comfort. They had catheterized him, which I also did not approve. I took him out of there immediately and brought him home, where I knew he would be well cared for 24/7. And he was. He was in far better comfort at home and he loved being there. But he couldn't walk... he couldn't run... he couldn't even get up. We had to carry him outside to potty, and had to tend to his every need. Eventually, he couldn't hold his potty anymore and I knew we were going to have to make a decision soon.
On Sunday, February 28, 2011, we knew he couldn't take anymore. It was a family decision to put Tucker out of his pain. Tucker said goodbye to all of us one at a time, by licking our faces or hands. We cried with him, but knew that he was at the point of no return. We found a wonderful emergency vet, who was kind to both Tucker and us. Steve and I told them to give Tucker a sedative so he wouldn't be in pain when he died. But he knew I was with him, because when I talked to him, he blinked hard and shivered a bit. Tucker passed very peacefully at 11:55am and our lives are forever changed.
The house seems so empty now. Even with 4 dogs and 4 cats, there is no commanding presence like Tucker. It will take us a long time to come to terms with him not being here. He enriched our lives so much, that it's hard to know what to do without all the love he gave us. He will be forever missed. We are picking up his ashes on Wednesday, and we will have him back with us, but it won't be the same. We will always miss his "Roo". We will miss calling him "Moron". But most of all, we will miss his kisses. Jason keeps his afghan on his bed. Tucker was a smell, and the afghan smells just like him. What a great dog. Our own Marley.
To those that understand about dogs, thank you. For those that don't... for those that say this is the reason they don't have dogs, because it hurts so much when they leave us, I say this... how empty your life must be. Tucker enriched our lives so very much. We are better people for having him as part of our family. Yes, it hurts that he's gone, but he lived. My, how he lived! He was happy and loved. He had all the love he could ever want for, and he gave as much in return. I'm gonna miss that old boy. I miss him already.
Nazdrovie'
Paczki Puta, Tucker's Mom
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