I just began my last semester at Southwest today, and was reflecting on the path my life has taken, and the path to come. It seems to me that I have always had one foot in one world and one in another.
For example, I have one foot at Southwest, and one at the next school. I have one foot in my hometown, and one here in Memphis. I have one in friendships here and one in friendships of the past. It can be so confusing, and knowing that I have a new path to follow soon does not make it any easier. I have always been the kind of person who moves on easily from one place to another, so why am I now having trouble imagining life after Memphis?
Interesting. It's not like me at all. I am usually very committed to whatever direction I know to be right, but there are some people that I will miss when I leave here. It makes me wonder if I have been mired here too long to do anything else, but at the same time, there are others who are making the same choices that I am now faced with, and they seem to be doing fine. Am I being too cautious, or just trying not to make the same mistake twice? I know that in order to progress, I have to move away. I had to move away from Chicago in order to progress on my life's path, and soon it will be time to move again. I have so much on my mind, and I guess I just want to be sure I'm making the right decision.
Today I was reminded of northern winters when Memphis was hit with a cold front, and the windchill reminded me of the winters I grew up knowing. I miss the north, of that there is no doubt. I miss winters where you can count on having snow all winter long, and that nice period of rest that comes with it. Everything slows down there, and it must if people are going to be safe getting where they are going. People take their time, a lesson that Memphis still has to learn. With harsh winters comes the anticipation of spring and summer. I loved summers up north because of the hard winters we had to endure. I came here and found that I could sweat in places that I never knew existed. I will NOT miss that. I will also not miss those huge flying roaches that the locals call "palmetto bugs", or the jumping spiders. Those things are just nasty. I will not miss the fleas that the mild winters do not kill off. Nor will I miss the horrible work ethic that is so pervasive here. I want to live where work is appreciated. I have not seen that here.
I know that I was sent here to learn life lessons, and believe me, I have more than my share of A's for these lessons. I'm SO done with all of this. Patience is my last and most important lesson. Graduation for my AS is in May. Be patient, you'll get there. BSN is in 2 more years. Be patient, you'll get there. Moving is at least 2 more years. Be very patient, and you'll get there! Patience was never my strong suit. But then again, I'm moving from one world to another. Again.
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
Showing posts with label lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lessons. Show all posts
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas Eve Reflections
What a year this has been. From the very beginning, it seems like this year has been a whirlwind of activity. I started the year with classes at Southwest, and ended the same way, but so much has changed in between.
First, Tucker and Sophie are no longer with us. That still brings a stab to my heart. At this time last year, we were having our last Christmas with Tucker, although we didn't know it at the time. After he was gone, it took months for Rocky to dispose of the huge rawhide bone that we always gave to Tucker at Christmas. Sophie never got to spend Christmas with us. That's such a shame. We still love her and miss them both. Sometimes I feel I can almost hear Tucker's "Roo", even now.
Bella came into our lives, very pregnant, and taught us what it is to truly give. For that, I am eternally grateful. I was also taught to let go. However, in that experience, I was also taught that there are many who would take advantage of those with a kind heart, so we will not be rescuing any more animals. Live and learn.
This year I came back into contact with people that I had not heard from in many years. It's nice to know they are still around, and the friendships are as strong as ever. I am grateful for their presence in my life and even more grateful that they remember me as being a kind person with a sweet soul. Thank you all for that. It's nice to know that people outside of my birth family know the real me.
Along with regaining old friendships, I had to say goodbye to some as well. Sometimes voluntary and sometimes involuntary. Some were very good friends, and some I barely knew. But I remember them all with kindness, and hope the ones who left this world remember me in their hearts with sweetness.
This year I also learned how to let go of anger and let love find its way back into my soul. However, even though I have let go of my anger, that doesn't mean that I have to let hateful people back into my life. My mantra is "live and let live". I don't judge people on how they live their lives. That is their life lesson, not mine. Life is difficult enough without all of that, isn't it? So I've let go and let God handle it all. I'm happier for it.
This year I also had a heart attack, which taught me that life is short, and in order to make it a little longer, I have to get back in the gym. I have done that, and will continue to do it as long as I can still fog a mirror. I have a long way to go, but that's okay. Baby steps.
I've also learned recently that there is merit in enjoying food and drink once in a while. Let go and relax a little. Let others around you relax. If only they would. Every day is a new exercise in making it happen.
Lessons learned in class this year include not counting my chickens until they're hatched. I took on 12-14 hours per semester, and thought I was being smart by taking what I would call "easy" classes along with my concentrations. HAH! They were more work than I thought, and I got through them, but I think the stress from all of it helped to contribute to the heart attack. I had to cut back a little, and I got through it all a little better. Still have a 4.0 GPA, and I'm grateful for that. Maybe all of my brain hasn't gone to mush, like I once thought.
I learned this year that I really am smart and my first semester was not a fluke. I am graduating from Southwest Tennessee Community College this coming May! Okay, so it's only community college, but I will have an Associate of Science, and that is more than I ever thought I would have. I have been given honors and awards, and am a published author. Victories, even small ones, makes one feel powerful. However, with great power comes great responsibility, and I discovered this when I began to be vigorously recruited by other universities for their nursing programs after being declined for the PTA program at Southwest. I have decided on the University of Tennessee Health Sciences Center; their MSN/CNL program. Let's see if they decide on me. I may have to learn to take rejection again, but if so, I have a backup plan at the University of Memphis. Not my first choice, but at least I will come out with a BSN. I will be able to work again, using the skills I learn in nursing along with the years of I.T. experience already in my possession.
This year I also learned the value of being still and being focused. Even though I would love to move, my home is still my safe place, and they can't "get me" here. My home gets better all the time, with improvements being made. My family is still around me, and things are not as bleak as they once were. Sometimes the best strategy is to stay the course.
I am still learning to do without clutter. My final lesson of this year will be to clean up and clean out. This means YOU! Yes, I'm talking to myself here. Clean out the office, the shop and the attic. Less clutter is less stuff taking up space in your brain. Let it go.
Lastly, this year I learned to forgive. I am happier now that I've let it all go. That's what I wish for all of you, out there in the void. Learn to forgive and be happy. You're not hurting anyone but yourself when you hold onto bitterness. Only when you let go can you truly be free.
Merry Christmas to all, and Nazdrowie',
Paczki Puta
First, Tucker and Sophie are no longer with us. That still brings a stab to my heart. At this time last year, we were having our last Christmas with Tucker, although we didn't know it at the time. After he was gone, it took months for Rocky to dispose of the huge rawhide bone that we always gave to Tucker at Christmas. Sophie never got to spend Christmas with us. That's such a shame. We still love her and miss them both. Sometimes I feel I can almost hear Tucker's "Roo", even now.
Bella came into our lives, very pregnant, and taught us what it is to truly give. For that, I am eternally grateful. I was also taught to let go. However, in that experience, I was also taught that there are many who would take advantage of those with a kind heart, so we will not be rescuing any more animals. Live and learn.
This year I came back into contact with people that I had not heard from in many years. It's nice to know they are still around, and the friendships are as strong as ever. I am grateful for their presence in my life and even more grateful that they remember me as being a kind person with a sweet soul. Thank you all for that. It's nice to know that people outside of my birth family know the real me.
Along with regaining old friendships, I had to say goodbye to some as well. Sometimes voluntary and sometimes involuntary. Some were very good friends, and some I barely knew. But I remember them all with kindness, and hope the ones who left this world remember me in their hearts with sweetness.
This year I also learned how to let go of anger and let love find its way back into my soul. However, even though I have let go of my anger, that doesn't mean that I have to let hateful people back into my life. My mantra is "live and let live". I don't judge people on how they live their lives. That is their life lesson, not mine. Life is difficult enough without all of that, isn't it? So I've let go and let God handle it all. I'm happier for it.
This year I also had a heart attack, which taught me that life is short, and in order to make it a little longer, I have to get back in the gym. I have done that, and will continue to do it as long as I can still fog a mirror. I have a long way to go, but that's okay. Baby steps.
I've also learned recently that there is merit in enjoying food and drink once in a while. Let go and relax a little. Let others around you relax. If only they would. Every day is a new exercise in making it happen.
Lessons learned in class this year include not counting my chickens until they're hatched. I took on 12-14 hours per semester, and thought I was being smart by taking what I would call "easy" classes along with my concentrations. HAH! They were more work than I thought, and I got through them, but I think the stress from all of it helped to contribute to the heart attack. I had to cut back a little, and I got through it all a little better. Still have a 4.0 GPA, and I'm grateful for that. Maybe all of my brain hasn't gone to mush, like I once thought.
I learned this year that I really am smart and my first semester was not a fluke. I am graduating from Southwest Tennessee Community College this coming May! Okay, so it's only community college, but I will have an Associate of Science, and that is more than I ever thought I would have. I have been given honors and awards, and am a published author. Victories, even small ones, makes one feel powerful. However, with great power comes great responsibility, and I discovered this when I began to be vigorously recruited by other universities for their nursing programs after being declined for the PTA program at Southwest. I have decided on the University of Tennessee Health Sciences Center; their MSN/CNL program. Let's see if they decide on me. I may have to learn to take rejection again, but if so, I have a backup plan at the University of Memphis. Not my first choice, but at least I will come out with a BSN. I will be able to work again, using the skills I learn in nursing along with the years of I.T. experience already in my possession.
This year I also learned the value of being still and being focused. Even though I would love to move, my home is still my safe place, and they can't "get me" here. My home gets better all the time, with improvements being made. My family is still around me, and things are not as bleak as they once were. Sometimes the best strategy is to stay the course.
I am still learning to do without clutter. My final lesson of this year will be to clean up and clean out. This means YOU! Yes, I'm talking to myself here. Clean out the office, the shop and the attic. Less clutter is less stuff taking up space in your brain. Let it go.
Lastly, this year I learned to forgive. I am happier now that I've let it all go. That's what I wish for all of you, out there in the void. Learn to forgive and be happy. You're not hurting anyone but yourself when you hold onto bitterness. Only when you let go can you truly be free.
Merry Christmas to all, and Nazdrowie',
Paczki Puta
Thursday, September 1, 2011
The View from Within
Today I finished up my first week of my sophomore year at Southwest. There is so much to be said for going this far and not backing out. It takes determination and a little bit of insanity to do this at my age. But I am having fun as well as learning, and this will serve me the rest of my life. Let me tell you about the things I learned today.
In my first class, I learned that I am no longer 20 years old. Nor am I 30. Nor 40. Okay, let's face it. I'm not 50 either. My first class was a real eye opener. For the very first time since 1973, I had gym class. This isn't your average, touch-your-toes class. This is a real doggone aerobics, strength and flexibility class that the powers that be are hiding under the moniker of "physical conditioning". We have a textbook and will have to do discussion postings, but we are also required to do the hour-long, no-stop, run-till-you-drop symphony of walking, running, and otherwise torturous activities all directed with great enthusiasm by my stick-thin instructor. I think I hate thin people. I wonder if I was ever meant to BE one. This class will tell me. Although the class is required for my degree, I want this to be a turning point in my life, where physical activity is the norm. Next semester, I will take another physical education class and build on what happens this semester. After that, I will be at U.T. and have access to their excellent facilities, which I will make great use of between classes.
Next on my schedule today was Film. We watched an excellent silent film from 1927 entitled "Sunrise: A Story of Two Humans", and I realized that I had forgotten how great the old silents are. Every aspect of the film had to be thought out well in advance to send the exact message the director wanted to be seen. Every moment, every emotion, every camera angle, every lighting cue... all of it... was intended to evoke a specific emotion from the audience. I can't wait to write my journal on this film and to rent the movie for my family to enjoy. My son, Rhys, took this same film class last year and we will have much to talk about.
Last on my schedule today was my Contemporary American Literature class, and I realized how much I don't know about one of my favorite mediums: Literature. It is not uncommon for me to read before going to bed for the night. I find that it relaxes me and sets my brain up for a restful night. My professor in this class is extremely passionate about his work, and it shows. I can look forward to learning much from him, not just about literature, but how to structure and perfect my own writing.
Those three classes were not my only lessons this week. I also had a Microbiology class, which is making me into a germophobe, or at least more aware of the dangers to our human condition and the reasonable precautions that must be taken to ward off disease. And my final lesson this week was American History. Now, I LOVE American History, but this professor lives up to his wonderful reviews and is making me love it even more.
I can't wait to see how the rest of this semester plays out. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am SO excited to see it all happen!
So... what was YOUR week like?
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
In my first class, I learned that I am no longer 20 years old. Nor am I 30. Nor 40. Okay, let's face it. I'm not 50 either. My first class was a real eye opener. For the very first time since 1973, I had gym class. This isn't your average, touch-your-toes class. This is a real doggone aerobics, strength and flexibility class that the powers that be are hiding under the moniker of "physical conditioning". We have a textbook and will have to do discussion postings, but we are also required to do the hour-long, no-stop, run-till-you-drop symphony of walking, running, and otherwise torturous activities all directed with great enthusiasm by my stick-thin instructor. I think I hate thin people. I wonder if I was ever meant to BE one. This class will tell me. Although the class is required for my degree, I want this to be a turning point in my life, where physical activity is the norm. Next semester, I will take another physical education class and build on what happens this semester. After that, I will be at U.T. and have access to their excellent facilities, which I will make great use of between classes.
Next on my schedule today was Film. We watched an excellent silent film from 1927 entitled "Sunrise: A Story of Two Humans", and I realized that I had forgotten how great the old silents are. Every aspect of the film had to be thought out well in advance to send the exact message the director wanted to be seen. Every moment, every emotion, every camera angle, every lighting cue... all of it... was intended to evoke a specific emotion from the audience. I can't wait to write my journal on this film and to rent the movie for my family to enjoy. My son, Rhys, took this same film class last year and we will have much to talk about.
Last on my schedule today was my Contemporary American Literature class, and I realized how much I don't know about one of my favorite mediums: Literature. It is not uncommon for me to read before going to bed for the night. I find that it relaxes me and sets my brain up for a restful night. My professor in this class is extremely passionate about his work, and it shows. I can look forward to learning much from him, not just about literature, but how to structure and perfect my own writing.
Those three classes were not my only lessons this week. I also had a Microbiology class, which is making me into a germophobe, or at least more aware of the dangers to our human condition and the reasonable precautions that must be taken to ward off disease. And my final lesson this week was American History. Now, I LOVE American History, but this professor lives up to his wonderful reviews and is making me love it even more.
I can't wait to see how the rest of this semester plays out. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I am SO excited to see it all happen!
So... what was YOUR week like?
Nazdrowie'
Paczki Puta
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